Up Off the Couch
Monday, August 15, 2011 at 11:00PM Previously on Maximum Juice:
- "WTF? WTF? WTFing F?"
- I have made approximately eleventy billion crucial mistakes since starting this book.
- "Not drinking enough" is not one of them
On the day of our wedding rehearsal dinner, Josh The Pilot and I sat side by side on a couch in my parents' condo. We were, for some reason, sitting, not fighting, and alone. It wouldn't last and we knew it.
It was maybe a ninety second period between crises (the bridesmaid dress arriving from Hong Kong fourteen hours before the wedding?... the run of programs which invited everyone to "the deception"?... there were so many, so very very many) and we needed to cleanse our very souls and maybe take a shower before the rehearsal.
But first we had to get up off the couch.
"You do realize," I said, "that once we get up off the couch, this Happens."
"Yeah, well, that's kind of the point."
"I mean, we get up off of this couch, we cleanse our very souls, we go to the church, we start getting married."
"Good."
"There will be no stopping it."
"Good!"
"Soon as we get off the couch. Married life starts."
We got up off the couch, of course, but I am telling you: that minute and a half, the decision point, the pause before the whole Life-Changing Thing... that cut through the inevitably of the whole smash and forced me to acknowledge my own hands on the steering wheel. So it was today when I wheeled a duffel bag out of our Mobile home and into the car which took me to the airplane which took me to Charlotte which took me to Cincinnati which will take me to a month in Columbus, TBDBITL chasing.
"Don't be scared," Josh said as he dropped me off. "You're going to do some great writing. Don't be afraid of yourself."
Which is, I suppose, the crux of it-- both the hesitation in rising from the couch as well as making with the Great Rolling of the Duffel Bag. It's not the event itself that's terrifying; it's how I will perform at it, after it, because of it. How much fail, how much win? What if I just wind up at the end of this whole process screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!" at Judge Judy? Will it be worth it? Am I worthy of it?
We shall see.
In the meantime, The Readers have been awfully busy Demotivating in order to gather a farewell present which, it must be noted, cost absolutely nothing. Thanks to mahalo, MyKidsMom, Go Bucks!, Laura The Reader, Reenie, Local Artist, SheKnowsWhoIAm!, Ned The Reader, Team 54, Reader The Reader, DefyingGravity, and many others for... um, these:
Reader Comments (13)
holy crap that flip picture of Jason The Formerly Ridiculously Young...!
Amused, horrified. Mostly horrified
Wow. Damn. She found even a way to make our last-minute late night drunk demotivators seem deep somehow. I tip my cap to you, Miss Belle.
bahahahahaha love it.
I am beside myself waiting for MB's reaction to her first game day, so I can't even imagine what she's feeling!!
The "OWNING" one?
Somebody owes me a new keyboard and monitor.
I now have a new poster for my office.
OK, these are hilarious.
And good on Mary Beth for making a real post out of it rather than just pasting these and calling it a day cause that's totally what I would do ;)
I pride myself on never talking back to my TV or computer, but I have to admit that when I scrolled down to Jason's picture I said "WOW" loud enough to startle my sleeping baby!
"the Great Rolling of the Duffel Bag"
I hear that's what the Big 10 Network is calling it.
It's not a wedding without a crisis. Ours was snow. In April. In Texas.
Such gentlemen. The "O" looks much more complicated than the "H".
I am excited for football season, and there's no way I would be without this site and this book! :)
Good on Josh —oh, and the other one, too!