Further FAQ Cleanup
Monday, June 20, 2011 at 7:54PM When The Readers compliment horribly objectify you, are you flattered or offended?
I am hideously confused. I do own a mirror, and also a high school yearbook, and I am aware that 99% of this activity is likely a holdover from my Blonde Bachelorette era in Florida, when I was posting things like "So if you happen to be in the Atlantic Ocean sometime this week and come across my ID, lemmie know."
But where newer The Readers are concerned... let's be honest. You're either raging on some sort of inside joke you've concocted outside the Tasting Room, or you're in jail. I am a solid 5, and with professional makeup assistance and a blind beholder, I can bump that up to a 5.5, maybe a 6 if the blind person has been drinking with Alex Who Talks Real Pretty. In short, you can't be offended by the visually insane.
What's Matt The Badass up to?
General badassery. I was bowling with him this weekend, and at one point we met up at the ball return machine, and he was perusing the selection, muttering, "I am so competitive. This is bad. I'm so competitive." I offered to compete directly with him, as this would mean he would surely win, but he gazed at me with pity, regret, contempt, and, finally, benevolence, then said, "That's okay."
What are you like when you're drunk?
I really don't drink as much as I seem. More drinking than usual goes on around certain interview subjects, as in "some," because they still stir up butterflies, and butterflies like Chardonnay, but I honestly go it easy the vast majority of the time.
On further reflection, I realize that I may have misrepresented the amount of alcohol I ingested on Saturday night. When the shot Alex Who Talks Real Pretty ordered arrived before me, it totally wasn't in the snug little teardrop glass as depicted on the post. It was in this.
Can I have OSU football tickets?
Shut up.
Tasting Room's open for the moment. We'll see how it goes. Don't break anything, such as each other.
Share Article Comments Off 
Reader Comments (42)
(gasp)
Can it be true....?
runs screaming through blog
COMMENTS ARE BACK ON! COMMENTS ARE BACK ON!!
Now we can tell everybody we love them again!
And make fun of MB! YEAH!
(sitting very quietly so he does not break anything)
welcome back, dear comments section
"More drinking than usual goes on around certain interview subjects, as in "some," because they still stir up butterflies, and butterflies like Chardonnay"
OK, who wants to guess who gets the sober treatment?
So this is the Tasting Room. Nice.
TOLD you guys if we barraged her with stupid emails enough she'd open them back up.
(jumping up and down, checking at the window for Jason)
Somehow I think those trash cans sell better in That State Up North than they do here.
I am not getting full value on my money from this site unless the comments are up.
I am a solid 5
You and your crap-ass math skills, MB. You forgot that's supposed to be 2(5).
"OK, who wants to guess who gets the sober treatment?"
Claudia The Campus Sister, D-row, Greg, the directors, and from now on He Who Talks Real Pretty
Team Butterfly:
The Badass, Stew Kitchen
Could go either way:
The Supposedly Subdued One
She Probably Shows Up Already Blasted Because His Amazing Virility Frightens Her:
Jason The Ridiculously Young Drum Major
You're only giving yourself a 5?? Naah, I'd say at least a 7.5. Also yay for the return of comments =D
"he gazed at me with pity, regret, contempt, and, finally, benevolence, then said, "That's okay.""
bahahahaha, The Badass is awesome
Missed youse guys! That Other Site ain't quite the same.
(huff) She didn't answer MY question.... well then again it was word problem....
Well I think you're very pretty, MB. Would kill for that rack.
Yeah, CT, somehow I don't feel very comfortable with my beloved OSU on the side of a trash can....
Awwww, thanks Orion, pointyhead, and mahalo :)
Yay! I'm glad to have the option of commenting again :) Uh, not that I did much when I had the option before...
"You're only giving yourself a 5?? Naah, I'd say at least a 7.5."
Seconded. You don't offer the world a Marilyn Monroe bod topped with a Dave Barry mind and give it a base-5.
Kewl. Yaaaaaaay Tasting Room!
I was afraid Bob Costas came to get you.....
"I really don't drink as much as I seem."
She doesn't. I've seen MB at at least 2 readings and not only was she stone-cold sober, I overheard her refuse several offers of drinks and stuck to her bottled water.
Funny. I think she's more nervous 1 on 1 with Jason The Ridiculously Young Drum Major and Stew Kitchen than she is with an auditorium full of people. I'd drink too!
Man, that Tasting Room withdrawal was toooooough.
Nice to see the Illuminati aren't bothering you anymore with their spam, MB ;)
"You don't offer the world a Marilyn Monroe bod topped with a Dave Barry mind and give it a base-5."
Dude, did you just call me a butterwriter?
"She doesn't. I've seen MB at at least 2 readings and not only was she stone-cold sober, I overheard her refuse several offers of drinks and stuck to her bottled water."
that is what happened at the reading I was at also, one group asked her to go out for drinks before the reading and she laughed and said "I think it's better that the audience get drunk to put up with me."
"What are you like when you're drunk?"
awwwwww, where's Alex Who Talks Real Pretty? I wanna know what he thinks! He was there! He's responsible!
"I am so competitive. This is bad. I'm so competitive."
You don't get to be a Badass by layin' down.
"butterflies like Chardonnay"
Okay so if what I'm reading here is anything to go by, butterflies are activated by Drum Majors. This could be very useful to science.
"OK, who wants to guess who gets the sober treatment?"
Team Everybody Not Jason.
He should consider this an enormous honor.
Hmmmmm. Last 2 Facebook updates:
"Sitting at a petrol station somewhere outside Columbus watching the tank fill and wondering where the off switch is for the tear ducts. Some much-needed smiles, but mostly kicks in the face today. I wish I knew where I belong."
"Yesterday I got to hold a fresh baby and hug two Drum Majors, so it can't have been ALL bad."
WTF, is she okay? "Kicks in the face," what's that mean? Who are the two Drum Majors?
"WTF, is she okay?"
well I follow Josh The Pilot on Twitter and he said something about becoming a full-time pilot. looks like they are moving again... for what, the 19th address in a couple years?
is she okay?
idk... Tressell stuff?
Father's Day + Last Week in June is coming up, very tough for her last year
newbies: http://tinyurl.com/64vo5bg
"Who are the two Drum Majors?"
Luckier than I am, that's who.
looks like they are moving again... for what, the 19th address in a couple years?
awwwww that suuuuucks
"Who are the two Drum Majors?"
Luckier than I am, that's who.
Ha, awesome
"General badassery."
This needs to be a crime drama starring Matt The Badass and Jason as detectives,with The Supposedly Subdued One as their cynical boss with a heart of gold.
Mary Beth, you're lovely, and you're probably lovely while tipsy as well. I can't confirm this as He Who Talks Real Pretty might, however.
Super news! More yanked-up roots!
blech, sorry, MB
Team Stew, what's your Twitter handle? For the rest of y'all, I'm @InstructorJosh. Follow me for the ballast side of MB's world, although lately I haven't done a good job of balancing her.
This is a tough time for her. First Father's Day sans her dad, and now during the last week in June, I'm looking at a job change. Don't worry, we'll be fine.