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December 24

When there's two cops directing traffic outside the butcher's and that 's the most relaxing part of it all because the pre-order pickups are being identified by the last four digits of phone numbers instead of names and you have zero phone numbers memorized not even your own and Burl Ives is screaming at you while you're trying to videoconference your husband about which beer he wants even though you know what kind of beer he wants but of all the things you screw up he absolutely will not abide a beer screw-up and the employees are hollering numbers and you're sad that yours is not 69 the one with the microphone has declared it "his favorite" and also adds that "there are only five lamb shanks left and they are gorgeous, just like me" and everything has an odor and there are smears of blood on the back cutting table and this is why I don't leave the house.

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