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December 24

When there's two cops directing traffic outside the butcher's and that 's the most relaxing part of it all because the pre-order pickups are being identified by the last four digits of phone numbers instead of names and you have zero phone numbers memorized not even your own and Burl Ives is screaming at you while you're trying to videoconference your husband about which beer he wants even though you know what kind of beer he wants but of all the things you screw up he absolutely will not abide a beer screw-up and the employees are hollering numbers and you're sad that yours is not 69 the one with the microphone has declared it "his favorite" and also adds that "there are only five lamb shanks left and they are gorgeous, just like me" and everything has an odor and there are smears of blood on the back cutting table and this is why I don't leave the house.


Let Us Discuss

For some reason, I've been invited to participate in the following roundtable mini-columns. Look for the most useless answer if you want to find mine. 

Most Games

Our Favorite 


Winter Meetings: Conversations in the Dark

New column... "I think world peace negotiations also need to take place in the dark, in a car, in the rain. You’ll admit things to shadows that you wouldn’t to a blue sky or Sylvania bulb".


The Sledgehammer and the Backsplash

Latest column: Since walls are the enemy, where there is a rare one, it must be treated as a visiting head of state come to negotiate surrender after a long and bloody war. This is where the backsplash comes in


Invading Canada

New on Redleg Nation: "Thank you for not caring what anyone says about anything."