Everybody Sit Down and Shut Up: Josh Halter, In His Benevolence, Puts You Some F'in Knowledge
Thursday, April 7, 2011 at 2:40PM Previously on People Who Always Be Encouraging Other People to Wear Vastly Uncomfortable Lingerie Have Obviously Never Worn It Themselves:
- I have been deemed fit for entry into Ohio Stadium even without Jason The Ridiculously Young Drum Major at my side to protect it. He rejoices with a ground bounce.
- I may eaten by alligators, and then you'll be sorry
As none of you seem to have more pressing life obligations, the past 48 hours in the Tasting Room became a regular Algonquin Round Table of the Ground Bounce. At issue was the magnificence of Jason The Young's ground bounce in the previous post, and what seemed to be a variation of it performed by Josh The Supposedly Subdued, seen here at the :08 mark:
...and, well, my goodness, aren't we lucky that the MIDDLE EAST ISN'T BURSTING INTO FLAMES and THE ENTIRE NATION IS BECOMING CRUSHED BY OUR OWN HIDEOUS UNENDING DEBT and WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE or anything, because buckets and buckets of productive man-hours were apparently poured into Zaprudering each and every ground bounce YouTube had to offer. Was it a totally different trick, or just a stylistic choice? Did the surface of the ground or the height of the Drum Major at hand have anything to do with it? If Matt The Badass threw a ground bounce in a forest and no one was around to see it, would it still create a wormhole on the other side of the galaxy, or would it simply cause a new race of woodland creatures to arise and do his bidding?
Fortunately, we have Josh Halter to clarify the issue and unparalyze the Western world:
The ground bounce that I did in the video is not specific to me although there are several variables that cause them to appear "different". Dwight Hudson first did the ground bounce and no one knew it was coming. He never did it in practice or around anyone, just performed the trick during a game and the crowd was stunned. We've all tried to evolve it a little here and there, but it is still primarily performed in its original form.
There are several reasons ground bounces can differ, not only from DM to DM but also multiple attempts for an individual DM. The release is the same but Jason's takes a more direct path to the ground where I choose to let it "hover" parallel to the ground before dropping. This is a small variation but depending on the surface used a baton would take the direct path it traveled to the ground back to the DM or take more of a circular path, if first "hovered".
The surface is really the key to the trick. Jason is in the fieldhouse with the indoor AstroTurf surface; this is an ideal surface because of its natural give. The rubber that is part if the surface really helps the bounce and that's why it is so high. The same can be said about the artificial turf field in the Shoe. Natural grass can be an average surface depending on the moisture. Too wet and it just gets stuck in the mud, but if the ground is hard enough you can get a pretty good bounce.
The worst surfaces to use are hard floors. In my video I was on a temporary wood floor, much like the one in St. John Arena for the Skull Session.* The baton has a tough time gripping the ground to propel itself back up and sometimes skips in place a time or two before finally bouncing back to the DM.
With all this said, most DM's can put enough torque into the baton it doesn't matter the angle it takes to the ground or the surface used, because it's spinning too fast not to come back.
Hope this helps in your online debate!
Can we all go on with our lives now? Good.
Now everybody say thank you to Professor Halter for settling the issue in such an intelligent and definitive fashion. I swear you people were going to start consulting tide schedules and Nostradomas quatrains if that went on much longer.
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Reader Comments (144)
That? Was amazing. Great explanation Josh, thank you so much!
Take a seat, MB.
I want The Supposedly Subdued One to write this book now.
Cool. Thank you Prof. Halter!
Mary Beth, I just hit the tip jar and added a memo reading "Supposedly Subdued."
You are to use this donation to provide Mr. Halter with the finest alcohol Columbus has to offer and your own fair company.
He is then to take his pleasure of you in any manner he sees fit.
This answer was THAT GOOD.
** dies **
HE IS SO SMART!
The surface is really the key to the trick.
AHEM.
I just love being right.
Thank you Josh!
He is then to take his pleasure of you in any manner he sees fit.
At first I thought that Josh The Pilot might have something to say about this, then I realized that he should view this as the Asians of Marco Polo's time did, and simply accept the fact that the god-king Kahn Halter should have his pick of all the women in the land, and the husband and family must consider it a great honor.
simply accept the fact that the god-king Kahn Halter should have his pick of all the women in the land
I would have returned her to you... shall we say...more worthy, Joshua.
You are to use this donation to provide Mr. Halter with the finest alcohol Columbus has to offer and your own fair company. He is then to take his pleasure of you in any manner he sees fit.
(stands back as remaining 3 Drum Majors rush to their laptops to explain in detail the intricacies of the Palm Toss)
Very, very well said, sir. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain the mysterious groundbounce!
MY school's Drum Major.
get used to it!!
(falls down on the floor next to MB in photo above) What ISN'T he good at?! that was great!
Infinity.
Yessir.
Even I understand it now.
Just so you know, 'Zaprudering' is now officially my favorite verb.
Bounce, and back in hand
Bounce, and back in hand
Bounce... and back... in hand
For a second there I was going to accuse MB of ghosting for Josh The Magnificent, then I realized that there aren't any dropped words and nobody cries in a parking lot, so there's no way it could have been her.
Wow! He answered all our questions and I'm not 1) bored 2) lost.
I wish I actually did take physics from The Supposedly Subdued One, would have dona lot better....
"Just so you know, 'Zaprudering' is now officially my favorite verb.
Bounce, and back in hand"
Ha! There was a second twirler.
Word of the Day is: TORQUE
I would have returned her to you... shall we say...more worthy, Joshua.
See that's the only flaw in this plan. One Night With a Drum Major = RUINED FOR ANY OTHER MAN EVER
Thank you Supposedly Subdued One! This really helps a lot : )
You are to use this donation to provide Mr. Halter with the finest alcohol Columbus has to offer and your own fair company. He is then to take his pleasure of you in any manner he sees fit.
Well, here's another one for the "Only Website In The World Where" file.... (author's own readers provide cash donations to concubine her out to a retired drum major as thousands cheer)
So where the hell were all you swooning women back in high school when I was an Academic Decathalete and captain of the debate team?!
Can Josh also explain the infield fly rule, and how a bill becomes a law?
If Matt The Badass threw a ground bounce in a forest and no one was around to see it, would it still create a wormhole on the other side of the galaxy, or would it simply cause a new race of woodland creatures to arise and do his bidding?
I lol'ed.
My kid just bookmarked all of the ground bounces to show his HS physics teacher... actually they are scheduled to have a quiz tomorrow so I have a feeling there is a method to his sudden twirling fandom....
I choose to let it "hover" parallel to the ground before dropping.
that. is. so. hot.
So where the hell were all you swooning women back in high school when I was an Academic Decathalete and captain of the debate team?!
You forgot your baton.
Ladies and gentlemen: Josh The Supposedly Subdued.
Sucks you in with with twirling, makes you stay with the proper use of commas.
"This is a small variation but depending on the surface used a baton would take the direct path it traveled to the ground back to the DM or take more of a circular path, if first "hovered"."
Who was that who said something about the connection between TBDBITL and NASA? Because this sounds damn close to landing the Eagle or something.
(dabbing eyes)
Damn, Josh, you make this Buckeye proud.
"The worst surfaces to use are hard floors. In my video I was on a temporary wood floor, much like the one in St. John Arena for the Skull Session.* The baton has a tough time gripping the ground to propel itself backup and sometimes skips in place a time or two before finally bouncing back to the DM."
well that explains why it got away from Stew in that long video. Sounds like it's a LOT harder to do on surfaces like this.
Beautiful, Ohio.
I award you many, many points, Josh Halter.
And also Mary Beth.
But mostly the points.
"Can Josh also explain the infield fly rule, and how a bill becomes a law?"
And why women go to the bathroom in groups?
Now I am even MORE impressed by Stew The Big Deal's ground bounce on that outdoor asphalt surface, as well as all the marching/twirling videos. They had to judge the forward motion PLUS keep the crowd in mind PLUS deal with an unfriendly surface.
SMH (but in the very best of ways!)
I may eaten by alligators, and then you'll be sorry
Only if you haven't finished this book first. Then, whatever.
I swear you people were going to start consulting tide schedules and Nostradomas quatrains if that went on much longer.
A Drum Major will be born in Ohio
who will spin the baton very quickly.
He shall bounce it upon the ground,
and all who see it shall freak THE *&$^ out
Dwight Hudson shoutout, hellz yeah.
<3 JOSH THE SUPPOSEDLY SUBDUED! <3 Not only is he awesome in and of himself, he respects the tradition.
I am so glad you re-posed the warming tent vid, MB. Even after all this time, that's still my favorite. I think it's the way Josh The Supposedly Subdued kind of laughs at the person holding the camera in the first few seconds, like "WTF, I'm not doing anything special here!" That says so much to me about his humility and the incredible Baseline of Awesome the Drum Majors have.
Fortunately, thanks to you, Miss Tink, we know better : )
Thank you, thank you Josh! This was really clear and fun to read.
Matt The Badass said there was no Drum Major manual, well now maybe we've found the right person to create one.....
...so the two youngest boys REFUSED their usual bedtime reading books in favor of hearing Josh's explanation of a ground bounce. Even when we told them the could not watch the video (AGAIN, they'd already seen it, and Jason's, like 50,000 times.) Then as my husband and I were going back downstairs we heard one yell after us, "Mommy, what's 'variable'?"
it's vocabulary hour with Josh The Supposedly Subdued!
Did Dennis Miller write both halves of this post?
Every day I check BlondeChampage and I very firmly say to myself, "OK, if it's drum majors AGAIN, I'm done." And then I start reading and by the time I get to the end I'm like, "Wow that was great! But really, tomorrow, I'm done...."
"Hope this helps in your online debate!"
In the sense that it blessedly crushed it out of all existence, yes, Mr. Halter, it did.
If Matt The Badass threw a ground bounce in a forest and no one was around to see it, would it still create a wormhole on the other side of the galaxy, or would it simply cause a new race of woodland creatures to arise and do his bidding?
Then what's D-Row going to do with itself?
Josh Halter, you magnificent subdued bastard, I read your thorough and clearly written discussion of ground bounces!
Infinity PLUS
You just know that somewhere, right now, one of The Readers is currently preparing a PowerPoint presentation based on this. Complete with warming tent clip art.
Oh Josh The Supposedly Subdued one.
You had us at "primarily performed in its original form."