What Have We Learned From All This?
Saturday, April 2, 2011 at 8:42AM Awesomeness first. I want to thank you, alllllllllll of you, for your most kind donations over the past several days. Some of you even left a note in the tip jar to the effect that you wanted to help last year at this time, but couldn't, and promised me that you would when you could and now you could. After server costs and various technical whatevers, enough came in so that it looks like I can keep the site free of the dirty s(ubscription) word for at least the next several months, and in the process will probably be able to avoid my good friend the I-71 cow for at least a night or two.
The best part: Most donations came in denominations of $5-$10 or so. Y'all made it raaaaaaaaiiiiin up in here. Phone lines are, of course, still open, and I'm working on e-thank you notes to all of you.
Now let's never ever have this discussion again.
And now, class, today's lesson. What have we learned from The Incident of Jason The Ridiculously Young Drum Major's Non-Injury, in which word somehow bounced from Facebook to the Tasting Room that he'd hampered his ability to combat Satan and all his works and pomps with a flick of the wrist? Well, many things, but let's hit the highlights:
- If the site is crashing, you know what might not be such a good idea? Refreshing endlessly and running through the comments section and email function with your hands in the air all, "HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SITE IS CRASHING?"
- FB Quote of the Week: "The internet is good for two things-- porn and lies." You get one of those two things here. Since I'm having to ask you for money, guess which one it's not.
- Should disaster actually befall one of our drum majors, I'm probably not the A#1 source for the latest details. These guys have enormous support circles which include family, high school friends, physical therapists, girlfriends, friends of girlfriends, girlfriends of friends of girlfriends, classmates, and, um, SEVERAL VERSIONS OF A 225 MEMBER MARCHING BAND WHICH IS KIND OF TIGHT. This means that of the 7852 people Jason probably has on his speed dial, I'm lucky if I'm number 10,872. I'm fairly certain he's not going to swat away the ER tech coming at him with an IV all, "No... wait... no drugs... I need to text the author I've known for six weeks and met three times so that her readers don't worry about me." Come on, now.
If something big happens and I hear about it, especially if I happen to be present at the Big Happening, rest assured that at some point, unless specifically asked not to, I will write about it-- but probably not instantaneously. The Right to Off the Record always, always comes first with me, especially where this band is concerned.
Also please note that I left journalism for a reason: It is horrible. One of the many ways in which it was horrible was having to approach people who were in distress to see how they felt about, like, watching their one-legged child get sucked up into the wrong end of a WeedEater. I'm not going back to that. I need to say something, I'll say it, but not at the expense of another human being, especially human beings who are awesome and also could kill us all at about five paces. And then stick the landing.
That being said: I've managed to salvage some of your comments from yesterday, and have kicked them up to this post to ease the strain on the original. Marinate in these for a little while until I'm done with this weekend's grading. Then, if you're good, I'll post another video.
I said IF.
Reader Comments (56)
...Oh this is just the highest of high entertainment.
I haven't had this much fun on the internet since I discovered the Girls of Webcam.
I cannot believe you people fell for that.
...okay I just checked back on MB's Facebook post. Jason's confirmed that he's punking everybody. Mary Beth is threatening to, quote, "kick his ass into Lake Erie" because the comments are down. He's simultaneously pleased with himself and denying all responsibility.
It's just about the cutest faux fight I've ever seen. Hepburn and Tracy aren't dead, they're just reincarnated as a drum major and a nonficttionista.
OK, he got me. I admit it.
Jason you can't do that to us old folks with weak hearts!
LMFAO-- Jason that was awesome
Is she really mad at him?
"Is she really mad at him?"
Having read herfor years, I can say, with authority, no. If Tink is angry at somebody, she'll write an email or have a personal conversation RIGHT AWAY. She would never take a personal disagreement to the World Wide Web. I imagine if she really were furious with Jason, he'd know about it by now, because she'd have killed him and she and Carah The BFFE are currently digging a hole somewhere in the woods just outside Columbus.
"He's simultaneously pleased with himself and denying all responsibility."
Jason, you ARE the father!!!!!
I am very glad we asked to keep Jason The Young. that was hilarious.
Waaaaaaaaay back in January I emailed Belle about this book, right after she posted the first time about talking to Jason. I asked if she thought they would get along and if he "got" her writing. She wrote back something along the lines of "sure, he seems like a very nice guy and I think he has a really fun sense of humor he's not really showing me yet but I bet it will be worth the wait if he ever chooses to do so."
How's that sense of humor working for you MB? ;)
Aw man, I'm sorry I missed all this. Nice carnage, Jason.
"she and Carah The BFFE are currently digging a hole somewhere in the woods just outside Columbus."
Bleach and acid. Have we learned nothing from CSI?
"I'm fairly certain he's not going to swat away the ER tech coming at him with an IV all, "No... wait... no drugs... I need to text the author I've known for six weeks and met three times so that her readers don't worry about me.""
Hahahaha! He'd refuse painkillers anyway, Tink, for shame-- you know that.
Sucks that I missed all the excitement, but I'm glad Jason The Young is OK. I'd have fallen for that too even after typing/writing 4/1 all day at work.
(being good)
"Mary Beth is threatening to, quote, "kick his ass into Lake Erie" "
I would like to see her try.
"Jason, you ARE the father!!!!!"
bwahahahahaha!
"I ain't NEVER touched her!"
"Bleach and acid. Have we learned nothing from CSI?
Also lime. Don't forget the lime.
Jason, you red-coated magnificent bastard, you. Nailed over half The Readers with that one.
"This means that of the 7852 people Jason probably has on his speed dial, I'm lucky if I'm number 10,872."
awwwwwwww : (
yaaaaaaaay, he's all right!
yaaaaaaaay, he's all right AND he disrupted Mary Beth's day!
JA-SON! JA-SON!
"No... wait... no drugs... I need to text the author I've known for six weeks and met three times so that her readers don't worry about me."
Probably because Matt The Badass would be in the background all, "What, it's only his leg hanging by a nerve strand. MARCH IT OFF."
"he disrupted Mary Beth's day"
Somebody owes somebody a necklace of buckeyes or an Ohio carnation or a bottle of beer.
Oh wait. NO BEER FOR YOU.
He don't owe nobody nothin'! Didn't you read langrish's post, this isn't his fault, Maury Povich! Bitch set him up!
_"This means that of the 7852 people Jason probably has on his speed dial, I'm lucky if I'm number 10,872."
awwwwwwww : (_
Yeah, if this is actually the case, then The Young One isn't nearly as cool or smart or awesome as I think he is : )
"The Right to Off the Record always, always comes first with me, especially where this band is concerned. "
As it should be. Now I know why you didn't last in hard journalism, Tink, you have... dare I say it.. INTEGRITY.
Somebody owes somebody a necklace of buckeyes or an Ohio carnation
pssssst, Jason The Ridiculously Young Drum Major... carnations are like the cheapest flowers going, man, plus Mary Beth's birthday (like my wife's) is in January and that's the birthday flower for that month. She will totally think you made the connection with that and the Ohio state flower. it will be like this NEVER HAPPENED.
University Flower Shop at Neil & 11th. Served me well. That's all I'm sayin'.
This has got to be the only website on the face of the Earth featuring a simultaneous discussion on Columbus flower shops, drum majors, and the best way to dispose of a body.
At least I hope so.
"I cannot believe you people fell for that."
I can.
aw, man, Jason you caved WAY too soon. You shoulda strung it out at least a couple more hours.
Got a car, Jason?
Flowerama Columbus. Morse Road. There's this awesome huge cooler kind of like a beer cave. The flowers come in this outstanding box that keeps them from getting broken and crap.
Probably because Matt The Badass would be in the background all, "What, it's only his leg hanging by a nerve strand. MARCH IT OFF."
and Stew standing behind him all, "Who called the ambulance? Why?"
I like the cut of the new guy's jib, MB.
"watching their one-legged child get sucked up into the wrong end of a WeedEater"
Often i wonder where you get your imagery associations, MB. On this one, I think I'd rather not.
"Somebody owes somebody a necklace of buckeyes"
Aww one of the drummajors should give her one of those anyway because she's brought in so many new fans. For her first Ohio State spiritwear. That would be really sweet. Plus chicks dig jewelry.
hah, MB just tweeted, "Congratulations to Butler, the Official Safety College of Blonde Champagne!" Poor Butler, offering her a full ride and she still turned 'em down....
Jason, you red-coated magnificent bastard
+1, that was damn inspired on his part
I miss Stew : ( Where's he?
"f Tink is angry at somebody, she'll write an email or have a personal conversation RIGHT AWAY."
Don't answer the phone Jason!
...Annnnnnnnnnnnd Jason's Baseline of Awesome continues to rise.
Oh man that's epic. Well done, Young One.
"my good friend the I-71 cow for at least a night or two."
But... I'll miss you.
...have we been good enough, Miss Belle?
"some of you even left a note in the tip jar to the effect that you wanted to help last year at this time, but couldn't, and promised me that you would when you could and now you could. "
You're welcome, sweetie. I love your writing and I think it's a travesty that you're not utterly rich and famous.
"You get one of those two things here. Since I'm having to ask you for money, guess which one it's not."
And yet the irony is that the name of this site makes it sound like... well... the other thing...
GOTCHA!!
video? post?
video? post?
please?
Marinate in these for a little while
Done!
"And yet the irony is that the name of this site makes it sound like... well... the other thing..."
How do you think I landed here in the first place?
Want more Drum Major clips and adventures!
NOWWWW!
Moo, bitches
-Cow standing across the highway from the I-71 cow