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Back on the West Side, the initiation level in the local soccer league is known as the "Passers."

It is a wicked, wicked lie.  They go where the ball goes.  Front line, halfback, goalie--it matters not.  The point of soccer is to kick the ball, and it.  Is going.  To be kicked.

Jim The Nephew has at last reached the Age of Packers.  Because he enjoys putting his MBA to work by managing Capri Sun distribution, Country The Brother-In-Law has signed on as his coach, preparation for which consisted of purchasing a whistle on a string.  He did not take my advice and invest in a looped recording of himself yelling, "SPREAD OUT!" occasionally broken by "Don't pick up and carry the ball."

First, however, Jim was packed off to a soccer day camp.  We West Siders don't mess around when it comes to ensuring that our youth learn such vital soccer fundamentals  as the most efficient way to riot after a game, so the league imported a bunch of British college students.

Of course, it's a Catholic league, so a great deal of time was spent standing in lines:

Although if I were running this joint, I'd spend the entire week fruitlessly working on learning how to SPREAD OUT.

Jim takes his cues from his peers well, but we must work on the Packer-trademarked bulletproof strategy of dribbling up to the goal, standing still while the ball rolls to a stop, turning around and backing up a few paces to build up steam, and then taking a shot.  I cannot imagine why the US team didn't use this more in the World Cup.

So we have scoring strategies down, but I found that during the all-camp scrimmage that certain rules are still somewhat hazy, as proven by the moment when Jim's entire team was off-sides:

Fret not.  All's well, so long as it ends in a popsicle.

although in my day, we got pop at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (5)

We used to call it bumblebee ball, as it involved a swarm closely tracking a single object....
Spreading out doesn't seem to kick in for about two more years.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStarnarcosis

Starnarcosis--"kick in"? Did you do that on purpose?

Oddly enough, I read this post immediately after searching for this song on YouTube. I shall share: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_Wwi5B34pw

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennwith2ns

Be sure to inform us how the whole http://www.soccerwindow.com/Carlos%20Vaderrama/valderrama5.jpg" rel="nofollow">'header' training comes out.

...And yes, Jim WILL have to leave his hair *that* long ;)

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

No, I didn't - cringe.

July 31, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis

Around here, they have soccer league thingies for kids as young as 2 and 3. My cousin put her daughter in one, and *every* kid gets their own soccer ball to kick around. Imagine the craziness in that place.

August 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaty
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