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Friday
Jun042010

Relative Humidity

I am in Mobile.  It's KIND OF HUMID.  I lived in The Swamp of Florida for five years; I thought I knew, in a very intimate way, what humidity was.  But no, Mobile has this whole other definition from this whole other dictionary; it so happens that Mobile is the great humidifier of the nation.  Florida's just the room down the hall, getting the secondary creeping puffs of it.  I now live in the AllSpark of each globule of humidity currently present on the planet.

This also means that I have reintroduced mildew to my life.  Mildew happens in DC--it's a swamp, too--but here it has its own union and series of strip malls.  "It's like air soup," Jeremy Clarkson said while breathing near-sea level oxygen again after having driven to 16,000 feet; well, bully for them and their ambient temperature.  Mobile is not air soup.  Mobile is air fudge.

The atmosphere just sits there, all enormous and drippy.  It is the Jabba the Hutt of air. It dares you to breathe it.  Not surprisingly, I am running out of socks and undergarments.  If you have not purchased my Father's Day present (and you are running out of time), I would like approximately one million pairs of crew dress socks, and also underwear to sleep in. I don't care which color.  I don't care which gender any of it was specifically made for.  Big & tall men's pajamas, send 'em on down.  The Continental Divide has eaten my support garments.  I need me some tee shirts that won't disintegrate on contact with the outside air.

Moving is difficult on pairs of socks; moving to Mobile is Sock Armageddon.   When I try to jog outside, I walk to the end of the sidewalk, I lose the will to live, and then I go inside and line up my socks to dry and am too weary to find them again.  Then I wonder where all my socks went.  Thus is my Alabama workout regime:  Days of Endless Sweaty Laundry.

Well, at least now I know where all the washers and dryers around here went. They sued for back overtime pay, then retired to Arizona.

dewpoint at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (7)

[...] humidity, and then there’s Mobile. Share and [...]

Welcome to the south!! You just haven't experienced life until you have experienced 98% humidity. It is crap for naturally curly hair too! Just so you know. Get Josh the Pilot stationed in the Nashville area. The humidity is just as bad, but we only have devastating floods every hundred years or so!

June 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCBell

i like this site realy thanks alot my friend bookmarkd!

June 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteraflam

"It is the Jabba the Hutt of air. It dares you to breathe it"

Awesome! :)

Also, highly ironic, since to me the word Mobile involves... well, mobility of some kind ;)

June 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

[...] June 19, 2010 · Leave a Comment 4:52 PM AllSpark Humidty Time:  Hi.  I just got here.  I just got here because Comcast is–and I do not wish to [...]

[...] Beth’s Events and Readings ← Relative Humidity 66 [...]

[...] 9, 2010 by MB| Leave a comment We continue with the great fun of hurricane season here in The Humidity All-Spark.  So far the misses have been satisfyingly close, but I must say I miss a good old-fashioned [...]

September 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlonde Champagne
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