• DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    by Mary Beth Ellis
  • Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers
    Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers
    Random House Trade Paperbacks
This area does not yet contain any content.
« Salida Shout-Out | Main | Good Ride, Space Shuttle »
Monday
May032010

The Calls Are Coming From the Deer Outside the House

It's past midnight and I'm wide awake, because I was just violated by a mule deer.  This was not in the residency brochure.

I was sitting here writing (okay, typing) (okay, yelling at someone on a message board who called Michael Buble, quote, "a woman with a microphone and  a Nordstrom suit"-- so let us not fear that I'm not making the best of my time) and happened to glance out the window. A foot and a half from my face-- there's the mule deer, staring straight on. I am, fortunately for me and the deer, fully clothed.  The deer caught me flailing out of my desk chair and took off.  It's not exactly an occupational hazard I ran into when living in DC.

I imagine he was looking for his bro, the head of which is currently hanging in the common room down the hall.  I see it first thing every morning when I leave my bedroom for my bro, the bathroom.  Two fuzzy antlers and an eternal expression of mammalian reproach:  That is how I start my day.  Then again, the nearest object in the other direction is a full-length mirror.

I prefer the dead deer head.

foraging at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

EmailEmail Article to Friend

Reader Comments (8)

[...] ← Three Seats at the Table The Phone Calls Are Coming From the Deer Outside the House [...]

[...] in rural Colorado, Mary Beth gets to know the locals. Share and [...]

Pops took his son to the gun store, bad move, the little one looked up when they got inside and saw Mr. Moose mounted on the pine planks, above.

“Hey, Dad-“

“Dad’s busy! What?!”

Kid points to Moose On Wall.

“What - what…happened to him?”

“He went to heaven, Kevin.”

“Just his butt?”

And in other news, Ike Davis of the NY Mets has just made his second miraculous catch of a foul-ball-into-the-dugout - as he completely somersaulted over the railing AND landed on his feet - to end the inning with Giants on 1st and 3rd left stranded.

Sure wish Ice Box could have borrowed some of that maneuverability a week ago.

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDon Reed

We’ve hit the Moose/Deer/Useless People Mother Lode!

NY Social Diary currently features the lowdown on a big fight going on in Sand Land (Palm Beach FL) over the construction of a new supermarket:

“Personally, I enjoyed Annie Falk’s engaging letter to the PB Daily News last Sunday describing Publix as a convenience store with shelves filled with chemical preservatives & additives. At the April 28 ARCOM meeting, I think it was Ann Pepper who pointed out that more than six months out of the year the Publix is so empty ’you can shoot deer in the aisles.’ “

And, yes, famous resident & ex-con Jeffrey Epstein (ex-best bud with disbarred B. Clinton) is also mentioned - which, incredibly, ties in perfectly with the call just made by the Hollywood Park announcer, during the race, that Subpoena The Dress is tugging at the reins & might go up the rail!

Yes, here she comes!! (Is it a he? How do you guess the sex of a horse with the word “dress” as part of its name?).

Aw nuts. He/she/it ran 3rd. Maybe if they had had a dugout along the finish line, he could have gotten at least 2nd, on the flip.

Now there are three pink munchkins (brought to you by TVG; sex: F) imploring the Hollywood Park audience - while being whipped into a pseudo-frenzy by a very weird guy with a microphone – to look for them when they plunge back into the “crowd” - because they’re giving away pamphlets which will explain everything about something about racing or something.

Sweaty Microphone Guy practically smashes a christening champagne bottle against a fence (the guy selling the stolen airplane parts) as they take off.

The Munchies are in (unsubpoened) Day-Glo Pink & Gold outfits, & with the average daily attendance at @ 1,003, they shouldn’t be too hard to find.

Berlin the group plays after the races.

May 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDon Reed

On our honeymoon, we were upgraded to the "log cabin" suite at our B&B...nothing says "happy marriage" like animal hides on the walls.

May 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

[...] I was throwing deer heads at the TV because the likes of CNBC were advertising yesterday’s launch as end of the entire shuttle [...]

[...] they didn’t feel like taking with them when they wisely left.  This went beyond the Parade of the Deer Heads which greeted me in the [...]

[...] they didn’t feel like taking with them when they wisely left.  This went far beyond the Parade of the Deer Heads which greeted me in the [...]

Comments for this entry have been disabled. Additional comments may not be added to this entry at this time.