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« Michael Buble Destroys Society | Main | And Now For Some Good News »

You Can't Get There From Here

We begin today with an enormous thank you to Katie The Reader, who is all into day-saving and crap.  'Cause I was having a hideous one, and she was like, "Here is some cash!"  and I was like, "Okay!"  Rock on, Katie The Reader.

Now allow me to put you in some f'in' knowledge regarding what I have learned about Oklahoma:

  • That whole thing about the wind sweepin' down the plain?  It totally does.  With impunity.  I have to say that I don't entirely understand this.  It was always windy in The Swamp, but the wind had an excuse, in the sense that The Swamp was right between two rather enormous bodies of water.  Oklahoma, not so much.  I suppose it was originally windy here, because it's so flat, but now there are buildings and McDonald's signs and the occasional cow to serve as breaks.  So why are the trash cans still rolling out into the street?
  • Our temporary Catholic church is situated on Garth Brooks Boulevard, presumably because "Dr. Phil Court" is already taken.
  • There is a country station in Oklahoma City dubbed "The Twister," which is somewhat akin to starting a piphat radio feed in Thailand and naming it "The Tsunami" (Weather on the tens! Traffic on the fives!)


  • Last week, it hit 70 degrees, at which point I immediately went outside to weep and raise my arms to welcome my dear, absent friend, The Sun.  The next day, the entire state was under a National Weather Service-issued Winter Storm Warning, with blizzard conditions expected.
  • This all makes me eat icing directly from the can.  One reader chided me for this:  "Really?  Are we to this now?  Icing is nothing but sugar, fat, and artificial flavoring," to which I say:  "I know!  Can you imagine anything more awesome?

many a new day at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (9)

[...] Mary Beth settles into temporary Oklahoma life, she has the sinking feeling that you can’t get there from here. Share and [...]

yep kinda sounds like our weather here in VA: yesterday its sunny and 75-80, today 50, windy, rainy, and maybe 2" of snow. I think that's all 4 seasons in 12 hours.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpointyhead

Come on! 3.7 is for wimps *says the Mexican living over a seismic fall and near an ACTIVE volcano* ;)

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Eating icing directly from the can is a proven method for stress relief / general comforting. While my husband scoffs at this practice, I just enjoy the fact that I don't have to share with him. :) You go, MB!

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLovesIcing

Because the internet is rather anonymous, I will admit that I eat the icing directly from the can too. Sometimes I even open two different flavors and mix them together if I'm feeling really down.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady

Oooohhhh-- I hadn't thought of that. You're a pro.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mary Beth Ellis. Mary Beth Ellis said: Yes, Catholics and eaters of McDonalds, there is a Garth Brooks Boulevard: http://tinyurl.com/yfburpe [...]

Thanks...and here I am, completely frosting free.

By the way, we just found out we have to move, too. Not across state lines, but across the city which - with two kids, a job, and school - is a hair's breadth away from being the straw that puts the camel in a padded room. Also, our car needs breaks...or at least that's what the angry grinding noise from the wheel tells me.

So when it rains, it pours.

Also, I would so go to church on Garth Brooks Blvd!

March 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

The wind isn't "blowing" in Oklahoma. The air molecules are leaving the state.

April 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLostUpNorth
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