You're A Special Bunch of The Readers, You Reached Out, and You Touched a Blonde's Cold, Crystalline Heart
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 at 8:46PM In some ways, this post is even harder to start than this one was. When I decided to become a writer at the age of fourteen, I never imagined I'd wind up acknowledging that anyone could possibly like me a combined $519.12 worth.
Because that's what happened; I went to bed staring at the ceiling after working an additional tutoring shift, and I woke up with that much in my PayPal account. And then it kept coming. As of right now, we have netted $1571.06-- in less than forty-eight hours. I see now that an entire lifetime of constant exposition to Catholic fundraising has at last manifested itself.
In politics, it's called a money bomb; on this page, it's a comfort bomb. Every donation alert, no matter the size, chipped away at the rent-sized boulder that's been sitting on my head for weeks and weeks. I considered being shocked, but when I thought back to the generosity, loyalty, and intense kindness my The Readers have offered for many years now, this really isn't surprising at all.
One was a former student; one was my grandmother-in-law (flashing cash beyond birthday money? That's some serious grandmothering, right there); another was a high school classmate; one was a reader who's been with me well over a decade; one had just happened by. One was Carah The BFFE, who has officially earned her place in the Pantheon of BFFE's, like way beyond Anne and Diana territory; several donations came from The Readers who had already sent along wedding presents, past donations, or book royalties-- for all of which I am already eternally grateful.
Most humbling, nearly all of them came with apologies that it wasn't more. A few promised prayers in place of cash, and to all these I place gently at your feet the Widow's Mite Award. Jesus Sez: "All-y'all's a cat!"
There was a large handful who noted that they were able to help because somebody once helped them in the same way. In your honor, the next time I refrain from rolling up on and smashing people who decide to park their shopping carts directly in the middle of the snack aisle, thereby isolating me from the Ruffles, I will think of you.
As of this writing, forty of you have donated. Thank-you notes are on the way; if they don't arrive in the upcoming week, email me for sucking. I would handwrite them, but 1) given my handwriting, you would open it and suddenly become terrified that some sort of sociopath has decided to send you a ransom note scrawled on notepaper featuring a hummingbird 2) this course would require me to know your home address, which would mean that you'd know that I know where you live, and nobody wants that. However, my offer of autographed copies of Drink to the Lasses still stands; if any of you kind folk don't have a copy, but would like one, please email or comment.
As Josh The Pilot and I book our one-way first class tickets to Australia put the stamp on the landlord's check, we think most fondly, and gratefully, of you. If any donations slide in after this post publishes, I'll add another and link it here. I did my best to match your Tasting Room self to your PayPal selves, so if I accidentally mismatched you, or you'd like me to link your name to a (legal) website of yours, or you'd rather not appear, or you'd like to appear as someone else, such as a sworn enemy, please do let me know. I feex.
So if you gave, if you prayed, if you uplifted, if you advised, as so many did, and did all four... here you are.
The Most-Honored Honorable The Readers Honor Roll:
Jessica The Reader
Neysa The Reader
LynD The Reader (I just put a gold star sticker on my monitor next to The Great LynD's name)
Emilie The Reader
Katie The Reader, who's all rockin' and stuff
C-Bell, who, you must know, is incredibly attractive. I've never met C-Bell, but have no doubt that people see her and are like, "Nice work, God!"
Chris and Patchfire The Readers (I know who you are, and I am eternally grateful, dear friend. Rock on.)
Lydia The Reader
Mary In Brevard, who totally deserves to live in as nice a place as Brevard
Kadi The Reader
Hollee The Reader (Hollee's been around since you had to pay to read my spew, people. Canonization awaits.)
Red Pill Junkie The Reader
Cheryl The Reader, who gets a gold medal for the Women's Moguls of Freestyle Awesomeness
Kristen The Reader
Grandma McFarland The Grandmother-In-Law
Lady The Reader
Cowbear, MSTie extraordinaire and a person with real pretty earlobes besides
Sarah The Former Student
Shapiro (Class of '95 represents with your fine self, yo)
Lisa The Reader
Kris The Reader (here's a fact about Kris The Reader: Chuck Norris simultaneously wants and wants to be Kris The Reader)
Douglas The Reader
Rebecca The Reader, who hereby totally makes up for the Rebecca I went to high school with and who once walked up to me and said, "Not to be mean, but I read your writing, and I don't understand why you would want to write about the things you write about."
CJ The Reader
Natalie The Reader
Nicole The Reader, in whose honor I have lessened my white-hot thousand-sun hate for Michigan to a mere 998 suns or so
Anne From Iowa
Scott The Taller (Scott and Stephanie, Mate Of Scott The Taller most generously passed along some Air Force money, so I totally got my tax refund early this year thanks to their hella-awesomeness)
Stephen The Reader
Nicola The Reader, who, if she were a car, would be a LexuPorMustaBMWCorvAudCaddy, and then she'd be lauded on Top Gear, which is just the very best fate I can wish for anyone
Kelebek The Reader
Amy The Reader (Amy, nothing personal, but I really hope you die before I do, because I'm going to need you to negotiate on my behalf from your special place at God's Right Hand)
Sarah The Reader
Carol The Reader
Hannah The Reader
Pamela The Reader (Pamela was born with extra-special sauce, y'all)
Virginia The Reader
Donna The Reader
Cynthia The Reader, who, if kindness came in the form of sequins, would be a whole entire ice dancing competition
Sonali The Reader
Ashley The Reader
Carah The BFFE, who now totally gets to be Anne Shirley for, like, at least a year
LostUpNorth
Kelle Belle
Kathy The Reader
Christopher The Reader
positive balance at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com
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Reader Comments (7)
[...] You came, you saw, you pitied… many, many thanks to all Share and Enjoy: [...]
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by BlondeChampagne: Gramercy, dear ones: http://tinyurl.com/yz3o2tw...
Chuck Norris wants to be ME? I have truly come full circle in this life. There is nothing else left for me to achieve! :)
MB & JtP, lots of love and zen, calming thoughts to you both as you take on this new and unasked for endeavor.
Really? While I am not as certain that people say that when they meet me... it completely MADE. MY. DAY.
You're awesome!
You are welcome. I'll make sure to put in a word with the Big Guy... :)
Amy the Reader.
[...] THING THE SECOND: Big fat thank you to Stephen The Reader, who kindly gave us one more smile for the road. [...]
[...] March 3, 2010 · Leave a Comment Many thanks to Red Pill Junkie The Reader, who once again shows his mighty international [...]