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« And Now For Something Completely Different, and Hopefully Cheerful | Main | Another Aeroplane, Another Sunny Place »

In Which I Throw Myself Upon Your Mercy, And Also Possibly Savings Accounts

I cannot believe it's come to this, but... so be it.

The government will not fund Josh The Pilot's transfer to Mobile, or the storage of our furniture while we stay in FAA housing during his Oklahoma City training.  This whole thing has really smacked us in the back of the head, and since we just about break even each month after paying for rent, Ramen, and Aunt Beth's crazy pills, there is absolutely nothing in the savings account for something like breaking a lease.

Our landlords are (very kindly) willing to let us out, but we have to pay March's rent plus a termination fee.  We have been planning all month for the March rent, as we usually do.  But a termination fee?  Not so much.  It's $1500, and it's due in five days.  We could give the landlords a check, but it would bounce higher than the entire U.S. snowboarding team at a Bob Marley concert.

My reaction to this news was just what you'd expect of a sensible, respected college teacher such as myself:  I sat down on the steps and cried really hard, then had a panic attack.  And then thought of you.

So many of you have given so generously in the past-- wedding gifts, server costs, purchasing Drink to the Lasses (still available!  Now in e-Book!).  I am deeply humbled by even the thought of coming to you again in this way when so many of you are probably struggling just as much as we are, if not more.  But we're out of options, and the past year has only brought us debt, thanks to our very good friends at the mortgage insurance company which held our short sale hostage for a $40,000 promissory note.  All y'all rock!

This is compounded by my inability to teach this semester.  I had to give up all of my classes once word came that we'd be outta here.  There's been online tutoring, that lovely form of saving the literary world one comma splice at a time, but that ain't no adjunct money.

If I have ever entertained you in any way, even by sucking so hard you cannot believe that I somehow manage to simultaneously type and convert oxygen to carbon dioxide, I'm asking you in a very small voice if you can help us.  According to my analytics, if each The Reader gives just a little tiny bit, we'll be able to wake up in a couple of weeks not being sued, which... yeah, that would be awesome.

I can send you cookies.  I can send you autographed copies of Drink to the Lasses.  I can type a post, using your full name many times, about how physically attractive you are.   I can (probably) do bachelor parties.  You supply the pasties.

In the event you can't help right now, believe me, I understand.  If that's the case, we humbly ask for your prayers that we have our own personal Sixteen Days of Glory and Financial Miracles.

Here's the link to donate, if you are so inclined.  The PayPal button is in the upper right hand corner.  I won't see your credit card information-- just the IRS, the TSA, the FBI, Homeland Security, and the producers of Oprah.  And please know that we are deeply grateful to all of you, dear The Readers, just for... reading.

the richest girl on this here Internet at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (50)

[...] 22nd, 2010 | Just Published | morningworksmedia Please read, be well, and get your cookies here. Share and [...]

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterYeah, I… Need Your Help

You guys have been getting hit in the face with the Frying Pan of Luck lately, huh? Hang in there, it'll all work out or be great fodder for another book...or an alibi...

If it's a tiny ray of sunshine, those moving expenses should be tax deductible, so save those receipts for a year and you may get something back.

Best wishes to you.

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterlynD

Not a problem - you are much loved by me . . ., so I clickied.

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHollee Chadwick

Deeply appreciate the good thoughts and the kind click, lynD :)

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I can't thank you enough. That's such a huge help.

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Hey Mary Beth. I wish I could donate more, you have made me laugh for years, but I'm not working at the moment. I hope that the little bit I sent will be of some help.
From one writer to another, God bless and I hope the blog fairies shine on you and the patron saint of writers blesses you.

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKD Easley

For you to help with my own crap when you yourself aren't working... that's beyond words. Thank you so, so much. OK, that's it... I'm speechless.

February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Sarah the Reader/Former Student here. I gave a very little bit, but I hope it still helps.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthistleinmay

Sarah, sometimes a very little bit means the most. I humbly thank you.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

It will get better. Sent a tiny amount your way, hope it will at least keep the panic attacks away.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelebek

I am happy to help. Josh the Pilot was willing to help us try to find planes for Haiti. You guys are the best!

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCathy Bell

I've never given before, but wanted to. You always make me laugh out loud, and I have you categorized in my go-to "guaranteed to make me laugh" file along with Michael J. Nelson and Douglas Adams.

I know it sucked having to write this post, but I'm glad you gave me an opportunity to help you out. -gnat_part2

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteriamhappymonkey

Been there myself, thinking this is it, no going lower, when someone reaches down and grabs your hand. And it's just a little pull-up, just enough to get you moving , just enough to know you're not really by yourself. Time comes when you'll pay-it-forward. Thanks for the pull-up every new post MB.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

For all the laughs and comfort and support I got from reading your blogs and book, I only wish I could hand you a cool million.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTripsymilkmaid

Mary Beth, I so wish that this donation could be ten times more than what it is just to thank you for years of making me laugh. But, well, this is the best I can do. That and pray for you and JTP.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentervnaumann

In my heart, it's a THOUSAND times what it is. I can't thank you enough-- and the prayers are even MORE appreciated.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

You know what? This is better. I know it came from you during a difficult time for everyone. Thank you so much.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

That... is a great honor indeed. Such kind words on top of some much-appreciated assistance... there. Are. No. Words. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

This officially replaces panic with warm fuzzies. Much appreciation to you, Kelebek.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

And the hand is now yours... you have truly payed it forward, and in your honor, I will indeed grasp someone else's when the need arises. My deepest thanks and appreciation.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Just a small way of saying thanks for making me laugh all these years. Hope it helps...

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSonali Rahul Saini

It sure does, my friend-- more than you know. And I'm not just referring to the donation.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

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February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRemember Pearl Harbor «

We love you, MB & JTP! I know the government isn't paying for your move, but are you sure (I'm sure you looked) that there isn't a job-transfer escape clause in your lease? I know those are usually reserved for military transfers, but it might be worth re-reading the fine print?

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarah the BFFE

First thing we checked, my Carah. There's an escape clause for military only. But they are letting us out, which is the important thing. We could well be stuck with ten months of rent if nobody else moves in, which could well happen; this place sat empty on the market for six months before we grabbed it.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Hey! I feel bad for being a stranger all the way out here in Montana(I still stop by to read your adventures every now and then), so Steph and send a donation. Cheers!

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScott the Taller

Aw, Scott the Taller! Thank you so, so much-- love and many thanks to you both : )

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I clicked. I'm happy to help. Sorry things have been so sucky lately.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCJ from St. Louis

Oh, thank you so much. Thanks to the likes of you, things aren't quite so sucky.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I clicked too. Thanks for keeping me company while my honey was in Iraq.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne from Iowa

And thank YOU for not only the very kind click, but most importantly, for the great sacrifice from you and your husband.

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I've been reading (mostly lurking) for years now, MB. I'll be clicking on Friday. We are recovering from being where you are and will be paying back huge bills for years now. We easily have more month than money. But we got some help- and now- now we're stable which is better than anything. I'm paying it forward.

I've been there, too. Remember, "Things fall apart so that they can fall together". And "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on".

I've learned to give it six months. Mark six months on your calendar and know that you just have to make it until then. Do nothing drastic until then. Lots of tears, yes. Curling up in a ball, yes. But help will come within six months. It may be small, but it will be better than now.

And keep writing!

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter2xgtld

A marvel you are, and an inspiration. Thank you so much for the great advice and the help-- both are deeply appreciated and I will indeed think of you when, hopefully, we're in a position to help others as well.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I've been in a similar situation -- have to move, no money to fund the move, gotta sell the house NOW -- and it truly sucks. I hope my donation helps :-)

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergrammar_queen

Dear MB,

I am sorry for your troubles. I had to break a lease once and pay a hefty termination fee, so I know how you feel. When I took in the check, the receptionist at the leasing office said "Wow, where do people come up with the money to break their lease!" I told her it was cheaper than the court fees we'd be paying if we didn't pay it.

Lots of prayers to you and JTP. I wish I could help you out. Do you get a good cut of your book sales? Maybe those of us thinking about buying a copy should do so now.

If you have lots of The Readers, maybe putting ads on your blog for awhile could help bring in some cash? I know it's clunky and not nice, but I'm sure we could all read around them for a bit.

Also, have you asked any friends to lend the corner of a basement for your odd furniture and boxes of stuff? In my experience, spreading your stuff around makes people more inclined to keep in for you.

So there's my two cents. I'm sorry it can't be in cash form for you.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady

Oh MB, I just want to come right down there and punch those FAA people in the knees. All of 'em. I feel so bad for your guys. I really wish I could help. I will try to click next week when the SS Disability comes through.

If you send me picts of your new 'housing' I will make you happy curtains or something to help brighten the place up. Maybe even a pillow or two. (That you don't have to take with you when you move.)

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelle Belle

Someday, when our paths cross, I will explain my paltry $2.92 donation. Until then, I wish yo the best. BTW - Don't feel shy about asking your church for some help. They should be able to come up with something for you.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLostUpNorth

I also clicked. When I found you a couple of years ago in the famous MSNBC Star Wars article, I went back and read All.The.Archives. I love your writing and that you married JTP. Just read BassAckward (one of my favorites) outloud to my husband on the way into work this week. Hang tough. We are all rooting for you.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSisterMaryK

It helps, it helps, it really and truly does-- in a huge way. Thank you so much.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Your good vibes, great advice, and empathy are worth more than gold. Cheers, babe.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Kelly, I absolutely, categorically FORBID you from sending us part of your disability check. But we do truly appreciate the offer, and once we do roost, we'll talk pillows!

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I got all the help I need right here, thanks my my dear The Readers. Our church has helped hugely with free labor already! And I appreciate this $2.92 more than any other $2.92 I'll ever get. http://www.jesuswalk.com/lessons/20_45-21_4.htm" rel="nofollow">For it is in no way paltry, my friend.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

No kidding?! All the archives, for serious? I'm rooting for you too; that you continue BEING AWESOME. Thank you so much.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Good luck and godspeed, MB. Chris and I are thinking of you both. Continue to regale us with stories of ponies and booze, funny and Not so. Ten horses and we wish you the best...

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPatchfire

Hugely appreciated-- especially when ponies and booze are involved. Many thanks.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

ok, so since you won't take my cash....I'm putting you on the coupon list. I will mail you coupons each week for things I know you use...if you want anything specific, let me know. I did this for Carah with the diapers and baby stuff and would be more than happy to do it for you. If I can't give you money, I'll at least help to make what the other readers send in go further.

February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelle Belle

[...] February 25, 2010 · 1 Comment In some ways, this post is even harder to start than this one was.  When I decided to become a writer at the age of fourteen, I never imagined I’d wind up [...]

February 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterYou’re A Special Bunch o

MB, for all the awesome reading you have given me for the past few years, I truly wish I had something to give you. I will send many "warm fuzzies" your way though. Keep you head high. You are truly a gifted writer.

March 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVicki

That means a lot, Vicki. Many thanks.

March 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!.....I"ll be checking in on a regularly now....Keep up the good work! :)

April 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEulalia Frezzo
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