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A Good Day to Have Shaved Legs

This is the first year I've gotten a "HA-ha, you're OLD!" card.  At first I was sad, and then happy, because it gave me an excuse to drink.

Josh The Pilot did an excellent job of being all hushy about my present, which he presented to me in the middle of the afternoon.  I heard the doorbell ring, and he led me downstairs, where I was confronted with a women wearing scrubs and unfolding a long table.

"This is your present," he said.

"You got me a pap smear for my birthday?"

It was a massage therapist and her table, and as I lay braless beneath a towel, clenching my teeth as a total stranger made hand-to-fat contact with my cellulite, I stared at the ceiling and thought about babies.

Babies can be had, of course, when I am well into my forties.  I myself was born to a mother who was 36 at the time.  But, well-- you've seen how I've turned out.  I'm officially at an age where it's crap or get off the Lady-Comp.  Also, babies, as I understand them, have a way of showing up even when not specifically requested.

For the moment, however, when the phone rang, I had the ability to wave it off, announcing, "I am with my massage therapist." 

will the small child nephew wanted to know if his aunt was going to, quote, "blow out the fire," because of course there was going to be a LOT of it at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (7)

[...] Beth is 33.   Her husband’s present came with its own table. Share and [...]

“You got me a pap smear for my birthday?”

Hilarious. I'd give anything for a massage for my birthday!

January 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

By the way, Happy Birthday from a fellow Aquarius. :)

January 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Thank you. But I'm a Capricorn. Like my mother, and Jesus.

January 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMB

A massage, eh? Was Josh taking notes? ;)

Feliz Cumpleaños!

January 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Not sure if you got my other message but here is it again:

Happy Birthday!
Things you're still too young for: Presdency, Red Hat Society and Colonoscopies.

Also, thank you for being older than me and teaching how to age gracefully.

January 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelle Belle

Happy belated Birthday!
You're still to young to have a mammogram, technically. :D (unless of course you NEED one)
Yay for a massage on your birthday. Don't sweat the kid stuff - that's your hormones talking, not your brain!!

January 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKris
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