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Ain't That America

I was on my way to everybody's little mom and pop boutique down the road, Le Mart de Wal, and noticed one unfortunate member of humanity near a local ice cream parlor, waving a sign to encourage weekend errand-runners to... I don't know, lick him.  Dude was wearing an ice cream cone costume, complete with unfortunate vanilla wisp at the top of his head, which from the back made him look like an unintentionally delicious member of the Ku Klux Klan.

And yet?  It got worse.  There weren't eyeholes for Cone Klan Man; there was a facehole.  You could totally see who he was.  It is little wonder he was waving so half-heartedly; he'd have to apply for work as an adult bookstore mopper, where at least one is granted anonymity, to move up from this.

I'd have pulled over and commiserated, but... you know.  The people-hating thing.  Plus, I was bracing myself for the very best people:  My fellow Wal-Mart shoppers.  And yet despite the presence of said Other People, it was a most satisfactory venture-- I was able to find almost every single item on that list at Le Mart de Wal.  Just about every single one!  All in the same place!  I include my shopping list below because it is impressive both in its eclecticism and scope of utter resignation:

-anti-mildew cleanser

-blackhead remover

-egg slicer


-push-up bra

-hula hoop

-floating candles

If you guessed that the missing item was a sense of dignity, you are correct.  That, and the egg slicer.

and that was at Bed Bath and Beyond at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (6)

[...] there is a way to make a grocery list interesting… especially when it involves a hula hoop. Share and [...]

The CDC recommends that you should not lick other people due to the swine flu threat. Have that person arrested and transported to Guantanamo as a national security threat.

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJohn B

Er, exactly what activity were you trying to do that your shopping list had that stuff on it?

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLadyLadyLady

Yeah, because... a hula hoop?

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

You guys really, really don't want to know.

May 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMB

OH but MB we do, we really do...

May 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelle Belle
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