• DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    by Mary Beth Ellis
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    Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers
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In the form of an entirely new one:


Matthew Daniel, son of Daniel The Brother-In-Law, reporting for duty to pee on his father.  Hi, Matthew.  You'll find me terrifying.  I won't mean it, but I'll still be terrifying.

In other child warping news, Fohlen continues to make his or her presence known.  His parents, on their way to the OB/GYN, overheard his eldest brother say:  "Will, they have to leave.  They need to  see if that baby's still there."

But this was a minor happening compared to the Great Zoo Event of last week.  I picked up the phone to hear my godchild on the other end announce:  "Aunt Beth, I got something to tell you.  There was a turtle on the back of an alligator, and the alligator didn't like it, so he threw him off!  And the turtle fell in the water!"

Well, there's a simple resolution to such interspecies angst:  You send in Will The DestroyerThe Smaller Child Nephew will pull a few tails, everybody will know who's boss, and there will be cookies for all.

not sure what to do with a niece at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (9)

[...] There’s an entirely new one! Share and Enjoy: [...]

Sweet little picture!
What to do with Nieces: Take horseback riding. Teach to throw softball. Take to soccer games. Play paper dolls. Take to plays, musicals and ballets. Play Legos.
Much like boys, except the ballet and paper dolls. And they're more fun to shop for.

April 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis




April 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

I'm not sure my experience is representative of your future experience, as I was 7 when my niece was born and I have only brothers, but I treat my nieces the way I'd treat a little sister. I bought the oldest one dolls for her doll collection, we played Barbies, we colored, sometimes I threw fits that she touched my stuff, especially the time she and her little brother dumped all of my perfume and hand lotion on my bedspread when I was 9 and sleeping over at my friend's house. I was her maid of honor when she got married, and this summer, I hope to help her out with her own newborn daughter (and two-year old son.) Nieces are a special brand of wonderful, but I might just think that because they're outnumbered two to one by boys in my family.

April 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZoe

Oooh ... are you saying that you think Fohlen is a girl? Cause that's my not-very-highly educated, but fairly certain, guess.

And yes RPJ, there have been many "aaaawww" moments thanks to Baby Matthew!

Kayla :-)

Yep, nieces improve with age.

April 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis

The sonogram is next month, but even then, Julie and Country don't want to know. Both grandmas are pushing hard for a granddaughter. Me, I merely reflect upon what I was like in college, turn pale, and consider the many ways I would pound any idiot frat boy who presumed to so much as look cross-eyed at a niece of mine.

April 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Congrats to JTP and you again MB.

My niece is the youngest of 3 and was born showing no fear. She tries to always keep up with the older ones. I am sure your new one, be it girl or boy will simply come out swinging and want to keep up too. Girls really aren't that hard. Well, at least until they turn 11. The oldest now read Twlight and can recite High School Musical. I am sure the next thing will be boys and I am just not ready for that. (She is the step niece)

At least my brother is beign reasonable and sending my biological niece to the convent when she turns 16 or a boy looks at her, whichever comes first. I told him while he takes her there, I will drive the nephew to the monostary.

April 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelle Belle

You think a boy won't look at her until she's 16??

LOL ;-) <------ (evil grin)

You might as well take the lovely girl now for an early wedding with Jesus :-P

May 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie
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