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    DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    by Mary Beth Ellis
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Ways to Begin an Essay and Pretty Much Fail Immediately, If You Are My Student

1) "Since the beginning of time..."

2)  "I'm not exactly sure why you made this assignment but I'm going to do the best I can, I guess."

3)  "Imagine you are a beautiful woman, with two big breasts."

4)  "This book was a novel."

5)  "No matter what, you should never give up you're dreams!"

yes you should at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (10)

If I were you, I would ask the FBI to start a file on the student who gave #3... if they haven't done so already :)

March 31, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

...as opposed to three big breasts?

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterj.s.

naw, i'm sure he's destined for great things in the world of television comedy.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis

#5 - immeeeeeeeediate fail for for "they're". ARGH!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Duh, reading is helpful, I meant "you're". You knew that though...

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Speak for yourself. I'm very intrigued by Essay #3.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterINCITEmarsh

I have one of those lists. I pull it out and read it when the students have given me a particularly rough day. It makes me feel better about failing.them.all.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterArmyWife

This is the frist thing that made me smile all day. I am always thankful when you publish these lists. It makes me feel so much better about deciding after 1 semster to NEVER TEACH AGAIN.

Do you need a new read sharpie to write F on all those papers????

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelle Belle

[...] future students:  Mary Beth advises you how to fail pretty much immediately Share and [...]

You know... I always thought you were kidding when you lamented about the sad excuses for papers you had to grade. Then, I went back to college (after MANY years away) and I am taking an online course and I have to say... I now completely understand EVERYTHING you have said in the past. It is a sad and amazing experience to read general postings on our homework message boards.

I have a much clearer understanding now.

April 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCathy Bell
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