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Li'l Lentil

Rachel The Reader wants to know if the announcement of a new embryo in our fohlen6wmidst is going to trigger a Fetus Naming Contest, as we enjoyed when the most recent fetus in question, Schnitzel, turned out to be Will The Smaller Child Nephew.  It's a Blonde Champagne tradition which began with Jim The Small Child Nephew, who for many months was known as "Taufling," because if there's one thing an English major hates, it's the inability to assign gender to a sentient being.

Good thinking, Rachel!  This shows you are indeed a very loyal The Reader who pays close attention, reads regularly, and is clearly in need of professional help.  However, there was a runner-up to Schnitzel, one which I kept in an emergency sister-reproduction Ziplock bag for just this occasion.  That name was "Fohlen," and it's already been deployed:


See, once it's in the BabyCenter Spawn Tracker, I'm afraid it's official.  BabyCenter.com OWNS YOU until the age of nine, at which point you are briefly handed over to the Tween Division of the Walt Disney Corporation, until your life is claimed by Abercrombie & Fitch.  Then?  The Scooter Store.

BabyCenter.com has no options for crazy-meds aunts.  In order to creepily track the development of children not my own, I needed to register, and all women are registered the same way, which produced such horrifying InterWeb moments as the following:


And then when I log in to see which type of produce Fohlen is resembling these days (this week:  a lentil bean!), this pops up:


"I'm pregnant" is the default.  I DON'T NEED THIS at six o' clock in the morning.  Because while I was unmarried and in my twenties when Jim's presence was made known to me, I've now pushed past thirty, but remain terrifyingly fertile. I mean, these German peasant hips weren't just produced for the viewing pleasure of Sir Mix-A-Lot.

you ain't it, miss thang at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (3)

[...] been here before. Share and [...]

[...] other child warping news, Fohlen continues to make his or her presence known.  His parents, on their way to the OB/GYN, overheard [...]

[...] begins kindergarten at a Catholic school this fall.  He is aware of this, and is also aware that Fohlen will arrive after his Pending World Domination education is thusly handed over from pre-school to a [...]

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