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Thursday
Feb192009

The Third

So last week I got this phone call on my cell.  My parents' home number.  I was changing clothes but answered anyway; my mother has seen me in far worse states than half-dressed.  Barfed-on, for one.  She won't care if I'm talking to her from four states away in my underwear.

"Hi Aunt Beeeeeth!"

Well, now I have to put clothes on.

"Hello, Jim!"

There was a voice in the background.  "What do you have to tell Aunt Beth?"

"I...I'm gonna be a big brother!"

"You... wha?"

"A baaaaby!  I'm going to have a baby."

"...Put your mother on."

"Hello?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING BEING PREGNANT.  I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE BEING PREGNANT."

"Ha!"

"I WATCHED YOU AT CHRISTMAS.  YOU WERE DRINKING WINE.  THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE PREGNANT WITHOUT ME GUESSING THAT YOU'RE PREGNANT."

She's, like, a minute and a half along, but spreading the news because four year old + two year old + morning sickness apparently kind of sucks.

Meanwhile, Will The Smaller Child Nephew was clad in his own Youngest Doom:

100_4460-copy

If his shirt looks familiar, that's because it appeared on the original Blonde Champagne about three years ago:

jim_s_new_shirt

"Poor Will," Josh The Pilot said when he beheld how his nephew was attired.  "Even his birth announcement tee shirt is a hand-me-down."

I prefer to think of it as "carrying on tradition, as long as you define 'tradition' as mega-cuuuuuute," but the man has a point.  Despite the fact that Josh and I immediately elected to use the event as an excuse to find a bar so as to toast my sister's fertility, it came with the sobering implication that Will is now a candidate for Jan Brady Syndrome.

I mean, look at him.  The smile and the wave, they're killing me.  He has no idea.  You'll notice the changing table behind him, which, incidentally, he still uses.  That, and his crib, which he has made absolutely no attempt to climb out of and now has eight months to vacate.  It's a tough economy when two-year-olds are getting foreclosure notices.  I would suggest to him a bailout application, but seeing as he still has in his possession the dollar bill his great-grandmother gave him last month, his income bracket is probably too high.

When I was a little girl, I was in constant fear that I would somehow lose my cherished place in the family as the baby, and could not understand how my mother was able to totally guarantee that this would never happen.  Only a round of sex ed and the safe passage of menopause made me rest comfortably.  But Will?  He's done.

However, at least he's somewhat in practice:  For months, he's been attempting to shove the babies of various friends and cousins off of my sister's lap with the admonition, "My mommy."  As prospects of pitting siblings against one another  in a steel cage match of winning an aunt's affection go, this is going to be awesome.

Jim is reportedly excited about the prospect of adding further minions to his sibling empire, and has announced the preference for a sister-- probably, as as his mother points out, because she would be presumably uninterested in his fleets of cars and trains.

Then again, there are times we'd prefer that Jim enjoyed his brother's blissful ignorance.  Bedtime now has the added procedure of bidding goodnight to the baby in Mommy's tummy.  And last week, James looked up from his Lightning McQueen pillowcases and asked, "How'd the baby get in there?"

October 13 at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (12)

[...] The Small Child Nephew is going to have a baby. Share and [...]

February 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter“Ha!” | Morning Wo

Congratulations!

February 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElisabeth

Congratulations to all!

Eight months to learn how to share 'my mommy'.... poor Will.

February 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCJ

Yeah for you Auntie Beth. I hope all goes well. I am sure that Will won't become Jan Brady. I would think your readers would check on that and notice if he was suddenly absent or neglected in postings.

Wow, a girl would be fun too.

February 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

Fetus naming contest?!?

February 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Congrats all around! :-)

February 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMr. & Mrs. Jeremiah The Br

Congratulations to your family on the coming addition. Hopefully the news doesn't come with lots of "When are you going to have a baby?" That always sucks!

February 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne from Iowa

>>>My mommy.

Poor Will; I know exactly how he feels. Since there are 4 kids in my family, we don't always get the un-divided parental attention that we'd like--and it can be annoying even now that we're all grown up.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterj.s.

Well, I hope it's a girl, so Will can be the baby boy forever, Jim will always be the oldest, and baby #3 will always be the Princess. That way everybody gets a place. :) Best of luck to your family.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Congratulations to MB's sister and her husband Briton.

The third kid is always the best of the bunch. I say it because I know it to be true :-P

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

[...] Posted on Monday, February 23, 2009 by MB Rachel The Reader wants to know if the announcement of a new embryo in our midst is going to trigger a Fetus Naming Contest, as we [...]

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLi’l Lentil « Blon

Yay! Congrats...

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy P.
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