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Tuesday
Sep162008

By These Other Names

I'm not sure if the candidates get to pick their own Secret Service names or what, but if I were Todd Palin, I'd submit a change form post haste.  His name is-- are you ready for this?  Are you ready?  Father of five here-- "Driller."

His ol' lady fares better.  Sarah Palin's code is "Denali," which is lovely both in meaning and in vowel-ing.  Denali, I am told, is the native name for Mt. McKinley.  Which is in Alaska.  When in doubt, turn to geography.

Obama's name sounds like it was painted on the helmet of somebody last seen all sweaty and volleybally in Top Gun:  "Renegade."  Michelle Obama has the best one by far; it's simultaneously feminine and all SAT-y.  She's "Renaissance."  That's awesome.  I think I just found my next ESPN.com forum name.  "Renaissance77WHEE says:  'If the Bengals score more points than the other team on Sunday, I think they'll win.'"

The code of John McCain has the closest past-life application.  It's "Phoenix," which ain't just a city in Arizona, his home state.  It's a mythological bird which represents new birth out of ashes and flames and general suckitude, for the Senator, you may have heard, is a former POW.  Good thing his code is on the side of rockin', because it desperately needs to make up for Cindy McCain's name, "Parasol," which... it... starts with "P,"  I guess.  Oh, Cindy.  You wacky... parasol, you!

Nobody seems to know what the names of Joe Biden and his wife Jill are, including the press, the campaign office, and, quite possibly, Joe Biden.  I get this sad, forgotten vibe off of Joe, like the world is keeping him out of the loop, and nobody's even asking him what he wants from Subway when the intern runs off to get lunch for the staff.  I read an ABC news article which stated that the press section of poor Joe's plane is quite, quite echoey.  That's harsh, yo.  Perhaps I should send him a free Netflix trial.  Or maybe I should do my civic duty another way, and volunteer to fly around on Joe's plane so he'll have somebody to play Go Fish with once we've reached cruising altitude.  If anybody would have a posse, you'd think it'd be one of the Big Four.  In fact, I might run for the sole purpose of having a posse.  I grow weary of holding my own latte.

Then again, I would probably spend the entire candidacy period just deciding on my code name.  Spouses always have to start with the same letters, which means that, for instance, "NASAnater" is right out, because then Josh would insist upon being "NASCAR."  Maybe I should pick "Pissy"; then he could still be "Pilot."  Or, while we're being honest, I could be "Cellulite" and he'd be "Christian, Long-Suffering."

"Obsessive-Compulsive" and "Optimist" at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

COMMENTING POLICY COMMENT: I respectfully point some of you to the "non-shrieky politics"  clause on the commenting policy. I'm very grateful that you're out there reading, and I welcome thoughtful comments, but if you feel the need to vent on either side, you can hit just about any other page of the face of the Web.  This is a place for everyone to come together and have a glass, not break off the bottleneck and start slashing.  Stop it.

COMMENT ON COMMENTING POLICY COMMENT: I told you I was pissy.

tip the bartender

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Reader Comments (16)

Hi there,

I looked over your blog and it looks really good. Do you ever do link exchanges on your blog roll? If you do, I'd like to exchange links with you.

Let me know if you're interested.

Thanks..

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Holts

Can't.....breathe.....laughing....too.....hard....

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

MB-

What about Belle and Beau??? Or Merlot and Mission Control ?? Perhaps Chardonay and Columbia (after the space ship)?? Zinfindel and Zero ???

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

ooops, I forgot to clarify the Zero is for Zero gravity. I was trying to keep with the space/flying theme for JTP.

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

Oh, I like Belle and Beau.

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Belle and Beau is nice. I think Princess and Piper (the airplane company, not Sarah Palin's daughter) would be fun, or if MB insists on Cellulite for her, then I want to be Cessna!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJosh The Pilot

JTP, you crack me up!

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

I've got the perfect code name for you MB:

"Mint Julep" ;-)

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

"Because she TASTES LIKE EVIL!"

In that event, Josh can be "ManCave."

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I guess the code names will be changed now that the entire world knows about them? So that means MB can be Phoenix ('cause she's bounced back from some serious suckitude herself) and Josh can be Pilot.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterj.s.

I guess Author and Aviator were too simple? :)

Writer and Wrangler?

Blonde and Bombardier (thought not hardly)?

Freelance and Flier?

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Author and Aviator.

See, this is why I need The Readers.

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Kris,

Your names were really good. I love Author and Aviator, completely obvious yet hard to think of.

I am still liking Belle and Beau but only b/c MB was a true Belle before she was anything else.

KB

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

Joe Biden's wife's name is Jill? I seriously did not know that. Shows how much of a Q-rating Joe Biden has.

The first code words I could think of for MB and JTP were "Bottle" and "Bomber." "Bottle" is the only word I can think of that legitimately connects with both "blonde" and "champagne," even though right at this moment MB is thinking about how exactly to murder me for insinuating in any way that her locks are anything other than God-given. "Bomber" for the planes, obviously, and just because JTP probably wears leather jackets. Just a guess.

"Rack" and "Rainbow" was a runner-up.

Author and Aviator is awfully good, wish I'd thought of it. (T'was ever thus.) I was going to suggest something unusual, like Xena and Xavier.

September 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlemming

[...] I told you I’ve been pissy.  And I mean piss-y.  Josh The Pilot is summarily creeped out whenever I say this, but I’m [...]

October 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBass Ackwards « Blonde C
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