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Biiiiiiiiiiiiig Hug!

The Humor Apogee of Election 2008 remains here, The Day Sinbad Became a Factor.  Just as the date range I mentioned in that post hurtles into view, here comes the orbit of:  A Very Serious Consideration of Hugging One's Running Mate.

The matter is of high interest to me, for we all know how we feel about other people (i.e., I hate them, except, of course, you.)  I'm unelectable for any number of reasons--I mean, Google me, and that's not even getting into the photographic evidence currently ensconced in college scrapbooks across the land--but when it comes to this... this.. hugging on command, I say, you may have your White House with your Air Force One and your Cheetos and bowling allies on command, and do as you like with them.

My most favoritest part of that link recalls the 1984 election:

Back then, Mondale had a strict "hands off" policy and did not even put his palm on Ferraro's back when the two stood side-by-side and waved with uplifted arms. Anything more, and "people were afraid that it would look like, 'Oh, my God, they're dating,' " Ferraro recalled...

This is preceded by a great deal of discussion concerning precisely how much of John McCain and Sarah Palin's bodies come into actual contact, and followed by an all-points seminar about Barack Obama appearing with Hillary Clinton, and who touched whom, and where, and just how firmly, and I think I am going to be sick.

I'm reading a book right now about "spirited children," formerly known as "wretched brats":  Raising Your Spirited Child:  The Endless Nightmare That Was the Childrearing Years of Ron and Peg Ellis.  The author tells a story about a three-year-old in daycare who threw utter meltdowns each time his classmates approached him.  Finally, his teacher realized that he needed to learn how to define his arena of personal space.  So she gave the child a hula hoop, sat him down in the middle of it, and told the other children that he wasn't to be bothered until he decided to leave his little Hoop of Space.  Thus, he learned how to acclimate himself to general social interaction. So that's how I'd campaign:  At a podium, one hand waving happily at the crowd, the other firmly clutching a hula hoop.

I think of the candidates as having another kind of bodily contact:  Obama and Biden, McCain and Palin, each bound as pairs for a three-legged race.  They're struggling across a field with the bloodied bodies of those left behind in the primaries scattered behind them, and the noise is horrendous.  Firebombs and morters are forever exploding around them, whistling in from the blogosphere, from the press, from talking heads-- throwing up showers of dirt, scraping at their faces and hands.  All four are straining to remain upright and... just... run.

There is no time for hugging.

poli sci major + english writing major = this post at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

tip the bartender

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Reader Comments (7)

*best Tom Hanks impression*
"Hug-... Are you hugging?!? There's no hugging in politics!!!"

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGreggy

"So that’s how I’d campaign: At a podium, one hand waving happily at the crowd, the other firmly clutching a hula hoop."

And if you won, would the First Hoop be made out of gold, silver, or platinum? ;-)

Seriously, aren't there more pressing matters the American people should be focused on. Such as... well, I don't know... the Economy?? Or the fact that Cold War 2.0 is starting, this time from http://english.eluniversal.com/2008/09/10/en_pol_esp_two-tu-160-strategic_10A1978007.shtml" rel="nofollow">Venezuela???

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Not on topic at all ... why do we have little quilt patches next to all the comments?

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis

Oh yeah! I noticed that too. Do we get to pick our own mandala-like symbol? I would like something in... red ;-)

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Love, love, LOVE the three legged race comparison. I wish we could just go ahead and vote already. I've already become way more cynical about politics than I ever wanted.

MB (and her hula hoop) for President!

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnne from Iowa

Thanks Anne :)

The little quilt patches are because you're sew cool.

Okay, as an apology for that, I'll tell you the real answer: It's a WordPress We R Forcing You To Be Self-Expressive 'N' Cool Thing. It's meant for people who have WordPress accounts. If you have an avatar, it shows up next to your name. But if you're a self-expression slacker like me, you get quilted.

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

OOh, AVATARS.......

September 12, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis
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