• DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    DRINK TO THE LASSES: Notes from a Woman's College Womb
    by Mary Beth Ellis
  • Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers
    Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers
    Random House Trade Paperbacks
This area does not yet contain any content.
« Geena Davis Is Seeing That Sarah Palin Will Travel This Year, and Also Meet New People | Main | Labor Day Fun Suggestion »
Friday
Aug292008

Hey, Hey, Palin!

With the addition of Governor Sarah Palin to the mix, this race officially became The Election of States In Little Boxes Somewhere To the Left of Mexico.  McCain saw the Democrat's black man from Hawaii, and raised 'em an ovulator from Alaska.  For while we've been distracted with oil prices and immigration, the travel agent lobby has stealthily been forming its own shadow government.

On the up side, Palin was introduced on Friday to the music of RudyBrother school, holla!  Although... for victory-imaging purposes, the Republican party might have perhaps chosen theme music associated with a college football team other than one currently boasting a record of 3-9.

On the down side, however, she is a former beauty pageant contestant.  That's a great big libber boooooo, although, judging by her predilection for guns and admittedly impressive basketball resume, she could likely dunk your average Sand Stripper into oblivion in about five seconds.  I'm suggesting the formation of a third party, the F With Us And Die ticket, with Palin at the top and thing-hurling Stephanie Brown handling veep and security duties.

She's a rare find, the Governor:  Her husband is part Eskimo, she has a child with Down's Syndrome, another who is deploying to Iraq, and she herself, as previously mentioned, is a she.  That makes her, in the world of identity politics, a very rare fourfer.  She has almost total Identity Immunity.  Thrown in a few more issues, maybe a transgendered Jewish brother-in-law who's adopted several Muslim children from Ecuador who smoke and are products of a charter school system, and she's all set.

Yep, McCain's pretty much given Obama the finger and then spun around and stuck it directly in Hillary Clinton's eye with this one.  I cannot wait for the debates, when three Senators and an aspiring vice president will get into a big fat argument over who hates Washington the most.  The Jonas Brothers will moderate.

making popcorn at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

tip the bartender

EmailEmail Article to Friend

Reader Comments (9)

Oh, MB, you crack me up. Matt is, of course, totally all about a hot veep candidate... :D

And, of course, since I'm pregnant, the most pertinent thing I took from your article today was "making popcorn... ooh, popcorn, that sounds good. I think I'll make some too."

Also, did you get her kids' names? Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. I could not make that up!

:D Love you! Go Irish!

August 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarah the BFFE

I must say I am totally lovin' a card carrying member of the NRA on any ticket.

I love the kids names too.

she's got my vote.

KB

August 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

Well, this election of yours just got way more interesting! ;-)

August 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Hmm. Still not sure. Must google more.

August 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnne from Iowa

All I can say is that Christmas came early for the Democrats this year. I'm surprised they are not dancing in the streets over this one. I couldn't be more tickled! Who knew the old guy would go ahead and just shoot himself in the foot like this?

August 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAdrian

A friendly reminder:

A couple of us are rowing dangerously close to the "red-blue argument" line in the comments policy. As always, talk hair, suede, and childbearing decisions here in the Tasting Room, but never "Your side sucks." "No, YOUR side sucks!!" Remember: Only non-shrieky politics talk while clustered about the bar.

August 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Although I consider myself a-political - I would TOTALLY get behind the formation of the F With Us And Die party. But then, I'm from Texas, so what would you expect?

Beautifully written and satirized, as usual MB!

August 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Beth

MB, I am excited about the blogs to come! I am not really "into" politics for the sake of politics. I learn about the issues and candidates, I go out and vote at every opportunity, and I did my part on the community appearance commission when the village council wasn't undermining and ignoring it. Uh-oh - I think I'm whining. My real point is that I think this election just got interesting - and I'll look forward to your perspective as often as you care to give it.
Popping popcorn down in NC ....

August 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnother Southerner

(Politicky stuff deleted by admin)

As for hair and suede talk, there is a guy on Project Runway who goes by Suede, has blue hair, and is so freaking annoying. I have no idea about his childbearing decisions, but since he's a guy, I don't think he has to worry about bearing any children (unless he's a seahorse).

September 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJill
Comments for this entry have been disabled. Additional comments may not be added to this entry at this time.