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All Married, and Stuff

In retrospect, it was a perfect way to spent our first wedding anniversary: We had a Large Chunk o' Angry Silence In a Moving Vehicle, followed by a fight, followed by Talking About Our Feelings, followed by ice cream. Then we went home.

Given that such behavior marked the bulk of our engagement and the first few hours of our married lives, it's the most appropriate possible thing we could have done. There's a portrait hanging in our home, a wedding gift from my parents--it's a gorgeously framed photo of the two of us taken about half an hour into our marriage. Just before he took it, the photographer said, "Okay, move a little closer to your husband... Josh, put your arm around your wife." It's an old wedding vendor's trick, designed to make the bridal couple experience a short-term thrill of feeling special and Officially Married. I had a better hair day yesterday, perfectly fluffed in order to run a wine tasting. Josh is not fond of his smile.

And you know what I felt? Not romantic, not thrilled, not buoyed by The Happiest Day Of My Life. I felt scared. Trapped, even. "Dude," I said to him, mentally (and, even then, obnoxiously), "I don't know."

But the portrait will have wall space wherever we go, because instead of going the opposite expected direction of most brides, I now feel more assured, more pleased, and more excited about my marriage than I did on our wedding day. He had his chances to abandon me, and no one would have blamed him--this sobbing heap of economic failure who only two weeks ago laid on the unrecently vacuumed floor and announced that she hated herself, this home, this carpet.

Instead, the groom in the picture knelt down next to me, and said, "I'm here." And all the perfectly iced, multi-tiered cakes in the world won't compare to that.

This morning, Josh The Pilot placed a small cactus on the breakfast table, complete with card which he had also remembered to flip over to marker out the price, and explained that while he knew I wanted mules and mountains, this was the most we could afford at the moment.

"And for three months out of the year, you don't even have to water it!" he said, pointing at the care directions tag. "See?"

I petted the tiny plant, its fat, furry leaves. "I cannot imagine anything I'd like better."

"I got it at the grocery store!"

"Don't push it."

I would I do all over again at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (13)

Wuv, twoo wuv!
Happy Anniversary!

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Funny, I was just thinking of you two yesterday and remembering the Wedding Flurry. Happy Anniversary!

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLynD

My mom and dad have love cacti!!!! Because they can't kill them--in 29 years, it's the only plant my dad ever gave my mom that didn't die. A cactus is hardy, like their love. Plan on having a long and happy marriage to your pilot, even without any money, if he's smart enough to give you a cactus! They were broke all the time, too, and my mom was often a crying-heap-on-the-floor! But they had LOVE!

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKittybrunette

Beautiful photograph.

Beautiful marriage.

PS Re cactus: Think about it, MB! if Josh keeps at it, in 10 years he's gonna have to buy you a mule... or a gallon full of Colorado River water ;-)

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Thank you for reminding everyone what weddings are truly about. You are so blessed to have JTP and a house all your own, carpet vacuumed or not. Here's hoping all your anniversaries to come are so beautiful.

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterj.s.

Beautiful. Absolutely wonderful. God has truly blessed you both, and may He continue to do so forever. Never forget the gift you are to each other!

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarahBeth

Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!

You two at one year married have figured out the secret that many people - married and friends alike - never do figure out: To be truly married or be a true friend you must have "I'm here."

May you both continue to grow and love each other and bless the lives of your friends. Your words and presence have blessed all of us who have found you "out here" and we're here, too.


July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCA Sailinglady

Great picture. You guys look so happy!

I can't believe it's been a year already. The time seems to have just flown by.

Happy Anniversary!

July 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCJ

Happy anniversary, MB & JtP!

So many people get wrapped up in the trappings of the wedding *day* they forget that's the first day in what should be a long marriage.

And with that comes bumps, dips, and big ol' potholes in the road of marriage. Weathering *that* is the trick.

Here's to many, many more years of "I'm here."

July 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy P.

Congrats and Happy Anniversary!
You were blessed to find a great friend to make your husband. That is God's great gift to big messy heaps of women like us.
I am 10 months into a wonderful marriage with my best friend and I would just love to be presented with a cactus come September, but I would settle for decades more "I'm Here" any day. You are blessed and I wish you a full lifetime of it.


I've been meaning to comment and ask, as I'm now deep in my own wedding planning, what was the whole beer/hair thing?

July 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura in Virginia

Supposedly, washing your hair in beer is supposed to make it shiny. But I hear there are even better uses.

July 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Congrats MB and Josh! Sorry I'm a bit late.

July 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShannon
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