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Thursday
Apr172008

One That Does What It Should

I have a new favorite drug. It's Avodart, and I don't know what it does or who makes it, but the commercial has certainly done its job, in that it makes me want to ask my doctor all about Avodart.

Apparently the main side effect of Avodart is that it makes people become professional concoctors of science projects about the solar system. The man in the ad keeps holding up scale models of Mars and Jupiter and Saturn (no, not Uranus, because that would be too, too easy) and pronouncing himself, as a director of a science museum, extremely pleased with his Avodart-enhanced life.

What kind of shoddy, piece of crap museum is this? He's in charge of a whole entire science museum, and he's busting out the Styrofoam? I did that when I was nine, and this was before Hobby Lobby started stocking those pansy planet-in-a-bag sets. How do these people expect The Youth Of America to truly learn about Mercury if their fathers aren't hacking a golf ball-sized wad of Styrofoam in half with an electric knife? Did Avodart Man miss the deadline for his National Science Foundation grant? Western civilization, she continues her long, slow trip down the water slide.

UPDATE On second thought, asking my doctor about Avodart will merely create questions for her: Apparently it's a drug for shrinking an enlarged prostate. Excellent. I certainly don't want any large-prostated fellows engineering any solar system models I might chance to behold.

it was not discussed whether or not Pluto was included in the high-tech Styrofoam display at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (8)

That reminds me of an article I recently read, about the high use of http://neuroanthropology.wordpress.com/2008/04/10/brain-doping-poll-results-in/" rel="nofollow">'cognitive enhancing drugs' use in the scientific community; which is kind of odd because we expect our athletes to achieve their record-breakings without the need of steroids, but what about the guys struggling to win a grant or attain tuition? Certainly a double standard there.

As for me, i'm waiting until they make http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article3699397.ece" rel="nofollow">ayahuasca a legal anti-depressant. Either that or make the trip to Brasil, although the idea of vomiting and qetting the squirms in front of complete strangers is still a little daunting. And there's also that part of the uncontrollable hallucinations, right? ;-)

April 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

The creepiest thing about Avodart, yes even creepier than commercials featuring shriveled old geezers who can't make wee-wee, is that it's one of those pills that if women even so much as touch, they can suffer devastating female problems that result in trauma to unborn children.

As much as I favor paid expressions of free enterprise, when I am made Emperor Of The Universe I will ban all prescription drug commercials. If they're that good, the doctors will prescribe them on their own; after dang near a decade of med school, internships, residencies, and whatnot, they don't need help from someone who saw a commercial during the football game.

Also, I have a problem with the commercials, because they're designed, as all commercials are, to get you to remember the product. Well, I'm dumb; I can only remember so many things. And those commercials force me to remember stuff I'll never need. Like that Valtrex is the name of the herpes drug. I feel safe in assuming I will never get herpes. Why do I need to know which drug to take? Beats me, but now I've forgotten useful things, like my mom's birthday, because all the commercials for Juvederm and Ortho-Tricyclene and Boniva forced them out.

The male enhancement ads are by far the worst! "Viva Viagara"? The one that's the worst is the guy who takes the drug (I don't remember the drug) and then there are a bunch of innuendos in the ad. He just stands there with this big, doofy smile on his face. Pretty disgusting, actually!

April 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSara N

Hey Sara, maybe they should use the Smurfs to advertise Viagra! :-)

April 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Everytime I hear "Viva Viagra" I picture Elvis rolling over in his grave.

My favorite part of the rug commercials are the list of side effects. I certainly want to take something that will cause compulsive gambling just to prevent a sneeze or two.

April 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

My favorite side effect is for the Restless Leg Syndrome drug, which may induce an increase in urges to gamble. Seriously.

And the woman keeps doing the crossword as though to say "Look! I'm not feeling urges to gamble at all!"

April 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLex

We comment on the list of side effects every time!

May cause drowsiness (yes, I would imagine that a sleeping pill will do that) is my favorite. BUT, the one where the guy is a double of himself walking through the woods...I think the side effects were something like mood swings, diarrhea and your spleen might fall out, but hey, your arteries won't be clogged anymore.

I agree with a full on ban of prescription drug commercials! I think I would miss the Antonio Banderas bee who says Con-gest-ee-on though...

April 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

[...] person here! Oh, ohhhhhh!  So close.  Claws back into the bags of complimentary Paxil pens and Avodart clipboards, [...]

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