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« Notes From the Popemobile | Main | Instantoveranalysis »

B16 in a 777

So B16 is coming to America for Spring Break, and he called George all, "Dude, can you pick me up at the airport?" and George was like, "Ain't no thang!" and B16 went, "'K. Email me."

And then George sent his most tricked-out bulletproof ride, and then they stood around waiting for his enormous metal crucifix-on-a-stick to come sliding out on the luggage carousel, comparing the quality of peanuts on Shepherd 1 and Air Force 1. I want to chat with B16! We can totally talk about shoes.

The last time people were so consumed with all things Popey, I was seated on the floor of a college bookstore amongst sweatshirts, waiting to learn the name of our new Papa. Now he comes to where I live, only miles away from Bridal Central. EWTN, the C-SPAN of Catholicism, exists for this type of thing, has broken away from its wall-to-wall coverage of Saints With Head Wounds, and now powers all-B16, all the time coverage. And on Fox's team is Monsignor Jim Lisante, who interviewed me about vital issues concerning seminarian poaching, and with whom I am, of course, total BFF's.

I remember how odd it was to watch B16 in Papal clothing for the first time after seeing his predecessor dressed as such for my entire life. This is a scholar-Pope, a Pope after a writer's own soul. He is a man to be read, not sound-bit. Remember this as the press hovers, contrasting his shy nature to the "ONE MORE TIME!" qualities of The Deuce.  Let B16 be B16.

The Holy Father is celebrating a birthday tomorrow, and the military families and schoolchildren waiting for him on the tarmac sang "Happy Birthday" into the wind. There will be a surprise cake at a state dinner. The cake, as I understand it, is a matter of national security. Nobody's talking about what it looks like, but I will be happy forever if somebody wheels out an enormous coconut cream Pope hat.

Meanwhile, in Cincinnati, Julie The Nephews Mama sat Jim The Small Child Nephew down in front of the arrival ceremony.

"Why is he wearing a dress?" he demanded, and later wished to know, after His Holiness entered the terminal, if he was going inside to poop, because since everybody's always asking him if he needs to poop, why not the man in the dress? I bet he didn't have to stand around waiting for an open hand dryer.

mighty mighty miter at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (11)

It will be interesting to hear what he has to say during this visit.

April 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

That was a comically brilliant piece of writing!

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTony

Thanks for the chuckle! ALso, I noticed his red shoes RIGHT AWAY! Love that he takes a fashion risk!

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSara N

Loving the red shoes. Does the Pope always wear red shoes? Is it part of the Papal uniform with the "dress"? ;)

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

This made me giggle, particularly the comments from Jim. That's obviously a Small Child Nephew who has his priorities straight.

Wow, those are some serious shoes.

And re: the post title, I am very excited to be riding in a 777 for the first time in a few months. It has *two aisles*! Score!

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

That last paragraph was... fantastic.

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Literary Vagrant

Maybe the shoes are meant as a psychological weapon against assasins.

The minute the hitman steps in an points his gun, his attention would be diverted for one split second to the man's feet while he goes "Man! the color of those babies!". Just enough to be intercepted by the Vatican Guard and leave Benedict unharmed ;-)

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

You gotta love a Pope who wears Prada!

Seriously, they are Prada.... Thanks for the morning giggle!!!

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCA Sailing lady

My mom said he was an old school pope so I am waiting for Mass to go back to Latin with head coverings for women before I convert back but really.... how can I not want to be Catholic again when the Head of the Church wears red shoes. That is so cool.

You know that saying, "Shoes really can change your life." is so true. One day he's a regular priest just preaching to the flocks the next he's Pope in Red shoes with his own 777. Just like Cinderella.

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKell Belle

[...] Here’s the Cake of National Security, BTW. I’m so disappointed. [...]

[...] impressed Jim The Small Child Nephew, who has begun referring to the man in the dress as the “Pote,” which I will accept as vastly acceptable over what he formerly calling [...]

April 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPope’s Rollin’ Up!
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