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« Aunt President | Main | Dropped Into the Fish Bowl »
Wednesday
Feb202008

Fun With Fallopian Tubes

For the past three days, I have been suffering from a Female Complaint. I am not providing details about it on the assumption that some of you are like Country The Brother-In-Law, who is easily cleared from any room at so much as the mention of the female reproductive system. He once rose from the dinner table when I mentioned that a classmate is studying to be an OB-GYN, and should he and my sister ever produce a girl-child, I imagine he will move out altogether the instant she attains puberty.

Normally, Female Complaints are nothing but terrible for everyone and everything within a 400 mile radius, but it also provided Josh the Pilot with the opportunity to earn several husband gold stars: He went, all by himself, to the Female Complaint Aisle of CVS to make a purchase on my behalf. And then he didn't even buffer it with beer or a Snickers or a pair of corn pads. No, this was not covered during the Hundred Dollar Lunch, and he was certainly aware that there wasn't going to be any physical reward on the other side of it, not with Female Complaint in town.

Such things were never mentioned in the Sweet Valley High books or other shapers of female romantic notions, but they totally should have been.

finding it fairly significant that there is no Male Complaint Aisle at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (8)

Josh the Pilot's name should be changed to Josh the Best Husband Ever!

Kudos to Josh!

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCathy Bell

My husband endeared himself to me when we were still dating. He was going to Walmart after work and asked if I needed anything. I told him I did but he didn't go down that isle. He said he would get it, and with minimal description on my part got EXACTLY what I asked for. I told my mother, his mother, my sisters, who were all as impressed as I was. He was really embarrassed that I told everyone and couldn't see what the fuss was about. Men like that are truly few and far between.

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjcat

Poor you!
I went back and read your $100 Lunch post. Hilarious! I married a Baptist, who was previously married to a Catholic, who had neglected to get an annulment and 6 weeks before OUR wedding we found this out. Fun stuff. Annulment was granted but we had to take PreCana at a non-Catholic church, which I thought was odd.
Anyway, one of the couples in our group said they never fought...like ever. Never had one single fight yet. Hubby and I looked at each other and laughed...let's see, that morning we had fought in the bathroom, fought in the car, fought in the parking lot, and while we were walking into the PreCana building.
These people were obviously aliens.

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

If it had been me, I would have bought enough Female Complaint Product to last you until your 90th birthday.

By the way, there is a Male Complaint Aisle, we just would never complain to you about it. In fact, some of those things we never acknowledge to anyone, including medical professionals or even ourselves.

Now THAT'S a true man, ladies and gentlemen.

Good form Josh, but quit it! You're making the rest of the gender look bad :-)

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

If it had been me, I would have bought enough Female Complaint Product to last you until your 90th birthday.

Ha! :)

That's sweet. Isn't being a woman fun?

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy P.

There is a Male Complaint Aisle, MB: it's the one with all the alcohol in it! That's where guys go when we've been complaining too much. :)

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarah the BFFE

[...] And eating! You guys, the eating! I’m too much of a food princess to be the President. There would be no more of this hurling Trojan Appetizers overboard without declaring war on the entirety of Europe. And where does one stash her Snyder’s Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Pieces? Do I really want the entire free world knowing how many bags of those I crash through in a week? It would be four years of nothing but cheese dust all over the carpet of the Oval Office and smears of caramel on signed legislation. I couldn’t be buzzed, or wander about naked, or mutter angrily about Faith Hill, or kick people’s crutches out from under them, or anything else I do for fun. It is a life of scrutiny, and I go best unscrutinized. For the most part. [...]

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAunt President « Blonde
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