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Dropped Into the Fish Bowl

I am, at the moment, witnessing a You Can't Do That on Television! sketch writ live: It's a television show... of nothing but commercials. There hasn't been a commercial break from the commercials. I am eager for this to happen, as I'd like to see how it's justified. The entire premise is disturbing, but not as disturbing as the fact that I've not yet changed the channel.

Josh The Pilot has to advertise, too, about his The Pilot services, so he has a new business card. It makes him look Important, almost like a cubicle person. He is one BlackBerry away from complaining at family parties about TPS reports. There is a picture on the card, just in case people don't quite understand what it is, exactly, a pilot does:



I approve of the picture, if only because it is slightly more friendly than what he originally picked out:



Because when people want a pilot, they think: "What we need is a large, screechy bird of prey that regurgitates masses of mucus and indigestible substances!" I like eagles, in general, as long as they are pecking out the eyes of the enemies of the United States of America. Otherwise, I wouldn't want one working for me. Eagles always look pissed off. I don't need that at 8 AM. Besides, this one needs hair gel.

At least the eagle was somewhat appropriate, given that it is the mascot of the University of Airplanes and it, you know, flies, I guess. Josh also had these images to choose from:



May I suggest this as a calling card for people who meet in bars.


Bars with names like "The Manhole Cover" and "Shakers."




This is an excellent choice for a contract pilot, as the image of roaring, out-of-control flames is the very one to cement the confidence of potential passengers.




"When you think horrible, violent homicides, please do think of Joshua L. Hunter, CFI."




Who in the world... who. in. the. world... would non-ironically choose this as a business card? Goth bands? Pirates? Larry King?




"Have some Jesus. Because we're goin' down, man."




This card offers a blank reverse, which is this is the perfect place to mention that statistically, every single airliner in the United States is hit by lightning once a year. See you on the tarmac!


playing with the upload-and-insert-images function at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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Reader Comments (9)

“When you think horrible, violent homicides, please do think of Joshua L. Hunter, CFI"

Thank you for my belly laugh of the morning. I am sure that JtP should have chosen that one instead. My second choice would definitely be the flames. Because, fire is just what you want to think of when you get on a plane.

February 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Josh could have perhaps played a little with Photoshop, and used the airplane in the foreground, and the eagle in the background with a faded layer or something.

I too think bald eagles always look pissed-off, but I respect Josh's patriotism :-)

So, when can we see a scanned image of this business card?

February 21, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

Oh, so that's what "Firebrand" is. I just knew it as the show that comes on after reruns of Drew Carey.

It could be worse, I guess; it could be another stupid celebrity gossip show. Speaking of which, did you know that a couple weeks ago marked the first anniversary of the death of Anna Nicole Smith? I didn't either, but every one of those damn shows reminded me.

I'd rather watch commercials for products I'll probably never buy than watch an actual show about people I really don't care about.

February 21, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermike, cleveland rocks!

There are a number of companies, for example, VistaPrint, where you can design your own cards and they're relatively inexpensive so you can have different cards depending on your mood/situation. Some days may call for bunnies and lambs frolicking in a meadow, other days, not so much.

February 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJames T. Kirk

RPJ, my card is coming soon!

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJosh The Pilot

I love that you mentioned the eagle as a bird of prey. In an advertising class at our lovely alma mater, we were looking at a cigarette ad that featured what I am sure is that very same tousle-feathered eagle. As my classmates waxed on about how great this ad was because the eagle is patriotic, so if you smoke it means you love America, I timidly raised my hand to point out that the eagle is a PREDATOR that would rather KILL YOU than let you die slowly from cancer.

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteramy t.

Hey amy, how odd that ad, given that apparently the first designs of the American Seal didn't have an actual eagle, but a phoenix, a mythical bird that was reborn out of its own ashes.

Imagine the number of nicotine-addicts if your fore-fathers had kept the flamy birdy! :-)

BTW: If someone wants to read more about this kind of stuff, I recomment http://www.dailygrail.com/features/mysteries-of-the-great-seal" rel="nofollow">this link.

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

[...] to have bad moods. If the President of Zimbabwe is annoying, it’s not like I can just sic my pet eagle on him. I’d have to smile and nod and then start off the Easter Egg Roll and then be nice to [...]

February 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAunt President « Blonde

[...] This was all very educational, but kind of a vacash downer.  “Look at the birdie, Mommy!”  “Yes, Timmy, he flew into a power line and was found scavenging on an Alaskan garbage dump with one workable wing.  Now he spends his days overhearing ‘I’ll Take You Home Again, Kathleen’ on an endless loop twelve hours a day as small children vomit at 43 miles an hour.”  Well, at least they were all having a good hair day. [...]

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