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Dear Various Parents:

You know what would be really great?  If you didn't dress your children like pimps for Halloween.

I saw this with my own eyes at Air and Scare this weekend, because what truly cool people do is stand beneath the hung wreckage of failed prototype aircraft and offer small, chokable toys to children who display one of three reactions:

1) "You... don't have candy?"

2) Backing away

3) Outright sobbing

So if these children were thus correctly judging me, you'd better believe I was judging them and their enormous, pink leopard patteren fur-trimmed hats right back.  The first little boy I saw dressed like this?  Okay.  Maybe his family is... different, and Mom and Dad's idea of an adorable good time is trussing up a ten-year-old like a sex trafficker and escorting him to the nose of the Enola Gay.  But when there's more than one?  Complete with enormous plastic gold dollar sign necklace?  Yeah, Western Civilization = OVER.

don't even want to know what little sister's dressed like at:  mbe@drinktothelasses.com

tip the bartender

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Reader Comments (17)

My son asked to dress like a mailman this year. He wore his costume to a *church festival* last night. I can't tell you how many people asked if he was hiding a gun in his mail bag. Hello?!? He's turning 5 in a month, so he certainly doesn't understand the reference. I was shocked! When I was growing up, Halloween was more about "dress up" than being anything scary. (My Mom made our costumes most years - everything from a clown to a 3-dimensional M&M to a mermaid. And she never shyed [sp?] away from temporary hair dye if the costume "needed" it.) I have tried to do the same for my children - although my skills don't event compare to mom's - and am amazed at what people can imagine about my kids' simple costumes. That people would allow their children (or choose for them) to dress in such a fashion as you mention is just ... well, I'm speechless. So I'm glad you have to words to express the same sentiments that, hopefully, so many of us share.

October 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnother Southerner

This is the EXACT reason my school doesn't allow costumes to be worn to school on Halloween. We'd have all sorts of costumes....including things I don't even want to think about. Being a K-8 school, we'd have teens and pre-teens all the way down to little kindergarteners all looking like they should be working a street corner instead of working on writing a correct sentence.
The latest trend to hit the junior high kids at my school is writing all over themselves with markers. They write their names (presumably in case they forget who they are), their friends' names, cell phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc. They even text each other on their arms. It's bizarre!!!
They can't talk to each other like normal human beings, but they can write all over themselves and each other and think it's completely normal. These are the sorts of kids that are going to be ringing my bell looking for Halloween candy. I think I'll work late at school and avoid them all!!!!!

October 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWiserlemmingAZ

Is that what The Kids are doing these days. Hmmmm.

My mom made sure we had kick-butt costumes. When we were very small, she made costumes that were so sturdy they made the rounds of the entire neighborhood. I was Tinkerbelle when there were no pre-made wings. I was Princess Leia when she was pretty much the only female Star Wars character to dress as. And there was none of this pre-made hair buns, no sir. I made do with a white sheet and a black plastic squirt gun.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Aaand, when can we see your dress?

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbluekelebek

Our little guy definitely has a kick butt costume made by his Daddy. Fuller is Captain America, circa WWII. He's been having a blast wearing it to various outings. Fortunately we haven't seen too many other kids at the outings dressing inappropriately. A little too gory, but so far, Fuller hasn't been scared.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthe big sister

Innocence has been lost for the innocent. :( It is indeed sad that people would ask a 5 year old dressed as a mailman if he had a gun in his bag. It's terrible what we have reduced our children to.
Have you noticed that almost all the costumes out there for adult women are skanky and so short they barely cover your butt? We have sexualized everything, all the way down to Halloween and Santa's Elves!
Heavy sigh.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

My mum created amazing costumes for us as kids. I still even have the golden tin earrings and beads I wore as a gypsy about 40 years ago!
I find it very annoying that kids who dress up like "Scream" don't have ANY IDEA about the painting.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstarnarcosis

I went to a Halloween store the other day to get a clown hat for Xander, and the "helpful" store clerk pointed me to the purple feathered pimp hats and the Mardi Gras beads! I'm thinking, "HE'S ONLY 1!!!!" These were adult-size hats, and she said it was the closest thing she could think of! Needless to say, he's going with no headgear...

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarah the BFFE

If I had a kid (Heaven forbid! but for the sake of argument, let's pretend) I would dress him like a little http://media.teamxbox.com/dailyposts/halo2bios/01mc.jpg" rel="nofollow">Master Chief .

Or maybe http://ps3media.ign.com/ps3/image/article/847/847637/star-wars-the-force-unleashed-20080124104804541.jpg" rel="nofollow">Vader's secret apprentice. And I of couse would accompany him dressed as the Sith Lord himself. I always loved walking with a Dracula cape when I was a kid myself ;-)

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred pill junkie

I look forward to my first trick-or-treaters this year at my house. However, the excitement is tempered by the fact that I know by the end of the night I will be bemoaning the state of today's youth. I only hope that the weather will be freezing and the pre-teen and teen girls in my neighborhood will have to cover up. I agree with Kris. Each year I make my own costume because everything available for women only comes in one version: Slutty. BAH!

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEm the Reader

Kris and Em >>> What about the girls/women who dress that slutty EVERY day? Doesn't that mean they aren't actually dressing up on Halloween?

Some of the teens in my old neighborhood didn't even bother dressing up to go trick-or-treating. Um, that's the entire point of Halloween...not walking door-to-door asking for handouts. Get a job and buy your own bag of candy, you lazy kids!

October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLady

Lady, HA! Point for you!

My leeeeeeeeast favorite trick or treaters are the teenagers who come up with a pillowcase. Come ON! I generally make them do something to get the candy at that point. I'm mean, what can I say?

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris

We used pillowcases. Because, frankly, those little plastic pumpkin buckets couldn't hold our neighborhood's bounty.

It was a great place to grow up :)

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

I had a sheet. With holes cut in it.

And my mom would limit me to only those houses where she knew the people who lived inside.

And she inspected all our candy for broken glass, and wouldn't let me eat the Smarties.

Halloween only became fun for me when I was old enough to drink.

Hubby and I wanted to go see MB during this event, but were deterred by the FOUR MILE long back up just to get to the exit to go to the Air and Space Museum. Perhaps we will try next year...

October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Aw, booooo! Yeah, the traffic was insane and I ran out of plastic in an hour. But many thanks for trying to make the trek. I do appreciate it : )

November 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Halloween Update: We had 4 trick or treaters! 4!!! We had enough candy for an army. Look for the Halloween M&Ms in your Easter basket...

MB, I am quite sure that you were suitably costumed before leaving the house with your pillowcase to traverse the neighborhood.

Hope everyone had a nice and safe Halloween!

November 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKris
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